These Moments Like This
by detective-sweetheart
Summary: It was a strange beginning, she thought, but then, now that they were where they were, it made perfect sense.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Random idea, since I started something like this in SVU, and figured I'd give it a shot on the CI side, too. For the basic rundown: tthis follows Goren and Eames. This first chapter covers the first half of first season, the next will cover the second half. **

* * *

"Diamonds don't keep you warm at night." he says, and she wonders exactly why it is that she's partnered off with this man, this person who she barely knows, whom she can't read, and who seems to veer off course with every move he makes. 

And yet, he's right, and she feels like coffee, so she takes the keys, and drives, and they end up at a coffee shop. He looks at her for a moment, and then speaks.

"Thanks for backing me up," he says, almost shyly, and she shakes her head at him.

"What else d'you think partners are for?" she asks, taking a sip from her coffee as it's handed to her. She hands him the one she's gotten for him, and he takes a sip, too, a faint smile on his face.

"I take it this means you're going to stick around, then?" he asks, and it's hard to miss the almost hopeful note she hears there.

She nods. "Yeah, I'll stick around," she says, and wonders if she really will, because she knows his reputation, and she knows that he's unorthodox, and knows that she's not.

And if there's one thing Alex knows right then and there, it's that she's not too sure this will work.

* * *

He says to her that he's not interested in living with the sort of art she nailed him looking at while they were investigating, but rather, he's interested in thinking about it. And it seems to fit him perfectly, because he's struck her as the sort of person who likes to think about things. 

"You think too much," she tells him, in a fit of frustration, during a lull where they're waiting for something they need. He gives her an amused look.

"Suppose it wouldn't help to tell you that it clears my mind," he says, dryly, and she rolls her eyes.

"No, it wouldn't," she says. "How d'you figure it clears your mind?"

He shrugs. "Could be doing other things," he says, without looking at her. "Besides, I like to think."  
Which is exactly why you're here, Goren, she thinks, suddenly amused, herself. She knows he came from Narcotics, the same way she came from Vice, and knows from rumors she heard from that squad that he can talk his way into and out of anything.

She wonders where it will get them.

* * *

"Overbearing," she says, and he looks at her for a moment, before nodding in agreement. She's talked him into going out for a drink with her, though she isn't sure why; she usually goes with other friends of hers. 

"Takes the protectiveness of a parent to a new level," he says. "She really thought this girl wasn't good for her son, so she did away with her."

"Lovely," she says, dryly. "You know, my dad never really liked any of my boyfriends, but he never offed any of 'em."

"Same here," he says, amused, "Only it was my mother. She was the only one around."

And she wonders what he means, but doesn't pry, because things are still tentative between them, and the lines are invisible, and she's afraid of crossing them, and has the feeling that he is, too.

"Well, that's one thing we have in common, then," she quips. "We each had a parent that didn't like who we chose to date."

"I think it's that way with most parents," he says, then, "I just…don't really know…about many who take it to this level."

She snorts. "You should work Homicide," she says, "I'm sure you'd see it a lot more often."

* * *

He tells her that he's a lapsed altar boy, and she laughs, because it just figures, the disregard for authority, the fascination with bad behavior…She tells him this, and waits for a reaction, but all he does is look at her, which is really what she expected in the first place. 

"What happened?" she asks, later, when it's just the two of them, and Deakins isn't around to hear. He shrugs.

"Crisis of faith," he admits. "I just…woke up one day and wondered if what I'd been taught all my life was really true, and by that point…Well, I had a choice as to whether or not I wanted to go to church by then, so I just…didn't go."

She's torn between envying him, and feeling sorry, because her parents poked her into going to church every Sunday; she never really had a choice in the matter, but at the same time, she wishes that she didn't hear the note of almost-sadness in his voice. She decides not to poke at him about it.

"You ever wonder if something will bring your faith back to you?" she asks, slowly, and he looks at her and sighs.

"Sometimes I do," he says, "And then something like this happens, and all it does is make me wonder if I ever really had faith in the first place, or if I just thought I did because I was told I did."

* * *

She glares at him when it's all over and done with, because she hates playing the Vice role sometimes, and it's what she had to do in order to get this guy to admit to what he did; various murders, all this guy's lovers, and she really wants to smack him, but she wants to smack her partner more. 

"You owe me," she tells him flatly, when their suspect's been taken away, and the interrogation room window's broken, and Deakins is going to have a fit later on, but right now, none of them really care. He nods, and feels guilty, because it was his idea in the first place.

"I know," he says quietly, and then, "I shouldn't have talked you into this."  
And she realizes then that he really is sorry, unlike other male partners she's had, who've watched her, and have known she's uncomfortable, but right now, he's the uncomfortable one, shifting on his feet, and avoiding her eye. She sighs.

"We got our guy, didn't we?" she asks, and he looks at her, finally, and nods again.

"Yeah," he says, and can't help but let a small smile cross his face. "Guess we did."

She laughs at him, shaking her head. "Take me for a margarita one of these days, and we might be even."

* * *

"Deception seems to be a theme these days," he remarks wryly, once all is said and done and over with. "People being lied to, all over the place, falling for the lies of some European guy, just because they think he's 'charming'…" And she laughs, because it's true. 

"I hate when people lie to me," she says, and means it, because she does, and can't imagine anyone who'd actually like it. "Like they say, the truth shall set you free."

He laughs, and she can't help but notice the sound. Her partner is an enigma in and of himself, and she knows it, and she wants to figure him out, but she doubts it'll happen anytime soon.

"What?" she asks, and he shakes his head at her.

"You ever notice that your remarks always seem to come at the most appropriate times, even if they're not necessarily appropriate?" he asks, and she rolls her eyes, because it's typical for him to notice something obscure like that.

"Tell me something, since you notice the most random things about people," she says, and when he nods, she goes on. "How many different colored ties has Deakins worn this week?"  
He pauses for a moment, and when he answers, she laughs, and when he gets what she's laughing at, he does, too.

* * *

She knows they're in for it when Deakins turns on the television to find that someone's given away information about this latest case, about the tampered-with painkillers, and she's surprised that her partner's managed to keep a straight face. When they leave the office, she pokes at him. 

"I swear you thrive on giving that man headaches, Goren," she remarks, but he looks at her, and says nothing for a moment, before shrugging.

"We couldn't just keep it a secret for the rest of the case," he points out, "Someone had to tell the public that medicine's being tampered with."

And she sees the point, but at the same time, she wonders how they're gonna get out of this one once their captain figures out what they've done, and she's keeping her fingers crossed, figuratively speaking, that they'll catch the culprit before it happens.

"He's gonna kill us when he finds out we told Briscoe and Green," she remarks, but he shakes his head.

"Technically, we didn't tell them anything," he says, and she doesn't miss the mischievous note she hears. "They figured it out on their own."

And later, when Deakins finally gets it into his head to ask, that's what they go with.

* * *

"Figures he'd give us hell for this, you know," she says, once they realize that there's bribery going on in the governor's office, and they decide to go for it. 

"Does he really expect us to stand aside?" comes the reply, and Alex shakes her head, because it figures Bobby would ask her this.

"No, but you know how he is about this sort of thing," she says dryly. "It's all about the politics."

"Guess he's not looking to be shoved off to the motor pool," says Bobby, and she smirks at him.

"Ought to tell him you said that," she says, but she won't, and he knows it, because neither one of them will want to let on to the fact that they've been poking fun at their commander behind his back.

"So, are we going to go for this or not?" he asks. "I think…I think we might be able to…to break this if we do…" And he trails off, and waits for her answer, and after a moment, it comes.

"Yeah, we'll go ahead," she says, as if they really have any other choice, "Let's just…hope we don't get any more hell for it. I've had about enough of that as I can take."  
When he laughs, she kicks his foot under the desk.

* * *

An annex to missing persons, Deakins remarked, and the two partners exchanged glances and laughed when they left the office. Now, they sit across from each other, at the end of the case, and shake their heads, because this is one of those strange ones that'll have them both thinking for a while. 

"I wonder why he didn't just get a divorce?" Alex remarks, and Bobby looks over at her.

"Not always that easy," he replies, vaguely. "Probably figured doing away with her would be the best way to go. It'd leave him free to marry his mistress faster."

She wonders why he seems to know so much about this subject, but doesn't say anything for a while. After a moment, she takes the coffee cup that sits on his desk and takes a sip, because she needs some form of caffeine. She makes a face.

"Disgusting," she tells him, and gives it back. "How d'you sit there and drink that?"

"I'll go get you coffee if you want, Eames," comes the reply, and she grins at him, rising to her feet and getting her coat.

"We should both go," she says, and in an undertone, "Let's just leave before Deakins notices, so he won't make us do paperwork."

He laughs, and shakes his head, but follows her out of the squad room anyway.

* * *

"Being betrayed by those who're supposed to care about you is the worst sort of betrayal of all," he informs her, and she nods, because she knows this already, and also agrees with it. 

They've just closed a case where someone died because he was pretty much set up. A ninetieth floor apartment, no way to escape…She doesn't want to think about it.

"Least we got to the bottom of this," she says. "Could be worse. We could have found nothing, and then where would we be?"

"Sitting in the captain's office, trying to explain to him why his two lead detectives can't seem to close a case?"

She throws a paper clip at him. "You know what I meant, Goren," she says, but she's laughing at him at the same time, so he ignores the paper clip, for a moment, before deciding to throw it back at her.

"I hate paperwork days," he tells her, and she nods, once more in agreement.

"I'd leave if I knew I wouldn't get caught," she remarks, and he smirks.

"I think both of us would," he says, and there's silence for a long moment between them as they work on paperwork, because they really have nothing else to do, and then, Deakins comes out of the office.

"Go home, you two," he says.

And before he can think of anything else to add, they're gone.

* * *

"So, what do you really think?" she asks. 

"I'll tell you when I get pregnant," he replies, and she bites back the desire to laugh at this, because she knows that he can't, and he knows it, too. It's probably why they end up sitting across from each other later on, having decided that they wanted to eat.

"If you could, would you?" she asks, and he knows what she speaks of, because the earlier two-line conversation was on the same subject.

"I don't know," he says, and really doesn't. "Part of me thinks I would, but the other side…complicated, you know?"

And she does, because she's thought of the same thing, time and time again, because she's always wondered herself, what would happen if she ever ended up pregnant.

"Shouldn't be up to the law," she says, finally. "Not everyone might agree with it, but…Do you really think the government should regulate what a woman does with her body?"

And he shrugs, and she knows it's either because he doesn't know an answer to give her, or he does, and he doesn't want to make her mad.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Follows the second half of season one, in order from Crazy to Tuxedo Hill. **

* * *

"Your client's not insane; he's in love. It might be hard to tell the difference, but the law can," Carver says, flatly, and Bobby knows that if he looks at Alex, it probably won't end well, so he doesn't. And later, after all is said and done, they sit at their desks, because the case might be closed, but the day isn't over just yet.

"You ever wonder if love might make you do something like this one of these days?" she asks, and he shakes his head.

"I can't imagine killing someone to make someone love me," he replies, and it's true, because he really can't. She gives him a sideways look, and then nods, slowly.

"Neither can I," she says simply, and he chuckles softly, shaking his head again.

"I think it's more complicated than most people think it is," he says, and she knows he speaks of love.

"Just what we need," she quips. "Something to make our jobs harder than they already are."

When Deakins comes out of the office to see what they're up to, they're both laughing.

* * *

"Dipping into the nose candy," she says, after they leave the office, and he snorts, shaking his head.

"Old Narcotics line," he tells her, and she nods, because she's heard it before, and still thinks it's funny, even though she really shouldn't.

"So, we've got a Fed too far undercover, and no way to nail him," she says, after a moment. "How do you propose we go about this?"

"We'll have to catch him in his own lies, somehow…" he replies, and trails off, because right then, he isn't sure what they're going to do.

A few days later, Lily Carlyle comes in and says something about a 'dagger', and both of them know that she's been coached, the little socialite, because that isn't the sort of thing that would come from her, on her own.

When the case is over and done with, and they've nailed their Fed, Deakins shakes his head at them, and tells them in an off moment that he's never seen a more unlikely pair.

They look at each other, and wonder exactly what their commander means.

* * *

At the trial, Maggie Coulter testifies. He admits to Alex that he's surprised by it, but at the same time, he isn't. Maggie had expressed a desire to prove herself, to prove that she isn't weak, that she can handle what the world has to throw at her.

She has grown up, too fast, and she shouldn't have had to. He knows what it's like to get into people's minds, to screw around with them, find out how they tick. But he doesn't know what it's like to be on the other side, to be the one being screwed with.

"She got him," he says, softly, to Alex, when court is adjourned for the day. "She got him good."

And Alex nods, because it's true, and because she somehow knows what her partner's thinking, and it doesn't surprise her.

"He'll die in prison," she says, of Simon Matic. "No way in hell this jury's going to let him go. Especially not after hearing him."

And he offers up a faint, rueful smile, and there's silence between them. After a moment, she takes him gently by the arm, and leads him away.

* * *

"I only look like I'm not listening to you," she tells him, and isn't surprised to see a look between amused and startled on his face.

They're in the middle of an investigation that's pointed in two different directions, at two different judges, and this time, it's not Deakins giving them hell, but Carver.

"You want to arrest Blakemore?" he asks, incredulously, later on, and Bobby nods.

"That would be an understatement," he replies. So they do, and then they bring the other judge, Sabatelli,in to oversee it.

The case is closed that day. Sabatelli slips, and proves that it wasn't really Blakemore who murdered the clerk, but it was all part of some plot to set him up, and a lot of complicated other things that no one wants to think about.

"Nice," says Alex, when it's just the two of them. "Who'd have thought?"

"Even the most straight-laced people can snap sometimes," he replies. "Guess that's why only the best of us make it in the department."  
She smirks. "We're the only ones who can handle the pressure."

* * *

There are only two shells inside the gun. The clicking sound comes until it can click no more, and he's never come this close to actually wanting to shoot someone, but this time…this time…

"She's lucky," says Alex, as they leave the hotel room. "She'll never know what a worm her white knight turned out to be."

"All he wanted was approval," he says, as they get into the car. "What kind of man would kill his own kids, just because he didn't think they approved of him?"

"One who has more issues than I care to think about, Bobby," she tells him, and then sighs. "You want to eat?"

She knows he hasn't, at least, not that she's seen, and it worries her when he shakes his head.

He falls asleep somewhere between where they are, and the city, and she knows where he lives, but doesn't take him home.

When she touches his shoulder to wake him up, they're outside a favorite restaurant of hers, one that she's pretty sure he'll like.

"Come on," she says. "You might not want to eat, but I do, and I could use the company."

* * *

He pokes at her about the Abba fan club card later, when the case is over, and they've nailed their doer, who turned out to be a human behavior researcher of all things. And she pokes back, not that she really has anything to poke at him with.

"It's good music," she says, defensively, "Not like all that crap that's been coming out lately."

And he laughs, partially because she's got a point, and partially because he doesn't much like all of today's music, anyway.

"There are more pathetic things," he says, finally, "I'll give you that."

She gives him a mock hurt look. "You calling me pathetic, Goren?" she asks, only half-serious, but she can tell by the way he looks at her that he's taking her seriously, and he shakes his head.

"No," he says, and pauses for a long moment. "I don't think anyone in the world could ever call you pathetic."

"Sure they could," she quips, in an attempt to lighten the conversation again. "They'd just have to run before I could catch them."

* * *

"I hate cold cases," she remarks, and he nods, absentmindedly, as he looks over what they have.

"They're a bit more complicated than most," he says. "Everything's already long gone…people have moved, memories have faded…"

They've taken on one of their captain's old cases, and they both know he's bothered by it, a lot more than they are. Cold cases always seem to have that effect on them.

When all is finally over and done with, they stare at the paperwork on their desks, talking quietly between themselves, because it's empty in the squad room, other than them. They've got their guy, and soon, there'll be a trial, but knowing this is not enough for them to fill whatever empty spaces were left when the case was first pushed aside.

They fall silent when they notice the office lights going off, and pretend not to see their commander leaving, headed for home.

* * *

"Did you really tell Kenneth Strick that he plucks his eyebrows?" Deakins asks, incredulously, and it's all Alex can do to keep from laughing, so she avoids her partner's gaze.

This case is one that's meant for the media, and they both know it. A mob princess dead in what some are perceiving as a revenge act against her father, and a whole bunch of other things that neither of them want to think about, so they don't, for the moment. When the captain goes back into his office, Alex finally dares to look at Bobby, smirking faintly.

"Should've got a picture of the look on his face," she remarks, dryly. "That wouldn't been something."

"You don't think he was upset with me, do you?" Bobby asks, almost anxiously, and Alex rolls her eyes.

"Nah," she says, and motions to the office. The door is closed, but the shades are open, and they can both see their commander smirking as he reaches for an obviously ringing phone.

* * *

"You know, it almost makes no sense," she remarks, after the arrest is made, and they're leaving the school where they nailed their doer.

"What doesn't?" he asks, and she looks at him for a long moment before sighing and shaking her head.

"Well, it does, but it doesn't," she says. "You can spend all your life working for the city, and then retire, and get a pension, but then, you start working for the city again, and suddenly, you're not getting it anymore."

"Doesn't seem fair, really," he remarks. "The city ought to be better at compensating those who work for it, when they finally leave."

And she nods, because she gets what he means, and because she's seen what happens when people 'double-dip', as it's called.

"You know, after it happened…" she says, and trails off, for a moment before going on. "Used to think people would hold it against me when I came in."

"What's past is past," he says. "People can't dwell on it forever, otherwise they never move on."

They head back towards the squad room, and she looks at him when they come to a red light, and she knows that he knows, and wouldn't think of judging her because of it.

* * *

"If you wonder why some people say seeing is believing," she says, "This would be why."

He's taken her out for coffee, because somewhere along the line, she talked him into it, and now, they sit across from each other, and he shakes his head at her.

"Suppose you could say that's the way it is in this line of work," he says. "I just…I find it hard to believe that this went on for so long without anyone figuring it out."

"Someone did," she points out. "Why d'you think we got landed with this in the first place?"

"It's a sad thing when someone's murdered only because they want the truth of something," he remarks, and she nods, slowly, in agreement, taking a sip from the cup in front of her.

"Yeah," she says, "Yeah, it is."

* * *

"Greed's a powerful motivator," she remarks, and he nods, because it is, and both of them know it. It seems to both of them that everything lately is about money, but they both have the feeling that it's because of the case they've just finished.

"If people cared less about money and the material things in life, maybe it wouldn't be so complicated," he says.

"Sure it would be," she replies. "We'd just find something else to care about. To want until we can't possibly have any more of it."

"There's a reason why gluttony is a sin," he remarks, and she nods.

"Yeah, really," she says. "Some people have enough, some people have more than they need, some people have nothing…"

"If it was all equal, we wouldn't have to worry about any of it."

"If it was all equal, Bobby, we'd live in a perfect world, but we don't, do we?"


	3. Chapter 3

"I need to use my most important investigative tool," he tells her, and she waits for him to go on.

"My library card," he says, and she bites back the desire to laugh at him. It makes sense, though, that he'd consider the small card important. It shouldn't amuse her, but it does, and she watches him go.

"That man," she says, to Deakins, shaking her head in the direction her partner has just taken off in. "Sometimes he makes me wonder why I bother."

But she knows why she bothers, and so she ignores the wary look that her commander gives her, because they've already faced this issue before, and they're not going to face it again.

When Bobby comes back, Alex is at her desk, and Deakins is in the office, doing whatever it is that he does. The case goes on.

"Porcelain caps?" she asks him later on, and he looks at her in such a way that makes her shake her head because she knows full well that he's asking her to wait.

The next day, they show up at the home of Harry Rowan, with Carver in tow, and nail him for murder, because of a cap that didn't exist.

* * *

"Me? I was so well-adjusted that they voted me prom queen." 

It's one of those random bits about her life that she'd love to forget, and yet somehow, it's the one thing she gives up to him. But they're in the middle of a case, and so he doesn't have a chance to poke at her, until Deakins finally chases them out of the squad room, and they end up in a coffee shop, talking shop, rather than at home, where they're technically supposed to be.

"Prom queen, huh?" he asks, and she kicks at his foot under the table, shaking her head at him.

"It's funny if you think about it," she admits. "I wasn't one of those cheerleader girly types, but I ended up prom queen. I didn't even think I was that popular."

At this, Bobby looks at her with raised eyebrows. "I'm not surprised you were," he says. "I know I wasn't."

And he really wasn't, either, because of reasons that he isn't going to give away to her, at least, not yet. She understands this, and leaves it alone, shaking her head again.

"Prom queen," she says, and then, "I tell you, I'd have rather been prom queen back then. It's getting overrated these days."

He smirks at her. "I think it was always overrated."

She kicks at his foot again, giving him a mock-hurt look, but then she grins at him and he knows they're still ok.

* * *

It's a strange game that he's gotten himself into. Nothing is ever just something, she'd told him, not even detectives. And he'd listened, and had let himself be fooled by her, and now it was bothering the hell out of him. 

"Did you think she'd have scones and a glass of sherry out for us?" Alex asks, sarcastically, and Bobby ignores her, because he can, and because the apartment is empty, and it's all because they couldn't see her for what she was. Or rather, because he couldn't see her for what she was.

Elizabeth Hitchens is Nicole Wallace, and Nicole Wallace is Elizabeth Hitchens. It sounds strange, but he and Alex know all too well about identity theft, but now Elizabeth…Nicole…is gone, and there's nothing they can do, because they don't know where she is. So they leave the apartment, and go back to the squad room. Alex drives, as always.

"I didn't think she would, you know," he says, when he can finally bring himself to speak to her.

Alex sighs. "Please tell me that this is the last time you let yourself fall for something like this," she says. He shrugs.

"I can't promise you something like that," he admits. "I know it's strange, but…something about this…"

"The case, or Nicole Wallace?" Alex asks, and he gives her a look.

"Both," he says. "She had something to do with this, she knows we know she had something to do with this, and so she fled."

Alex shakes her head. "Too bad we didn't get her passport while we had the chance."

* * *

"There's losing, and then there's losing to your _wife_," she says. He looks at her for a moment and then speaks. 

"And then there's getting your balls handed to you on a platter," he says, and when he looks at her again, he can tell that she's trying not to laugh.

Later, when it's just the two of them, she shakes her head at him. "I don't get it," she says. "What is it with some guys and having to prove that they're better than the women they're married to?"

"I don't know," Bobby says, and really doesn't, because he hasn't ever _really_ thought about it until now. "I suppose it's a desire to keep from feeling inadequate, maybe."

"Maybe they're compensating for something else," says Alex, smirking, and this time, he shakes his head at her.

"Could be," he says. "Guess we'll never know. I doubt any guy would want to admit to something like that."

"Not that they'd have to admit to it themselves; I'm sure we'd hear it from…other people." Alex trails off, with an amused look on her face. Bobby rolls his eyes.

"Depends on the person and what he's done," he says, but she shakes her head.

"Well, at least we can say one good thing for Bonham…he never did cheat on her."

* * *

"All for a bunch of artifacts," she says, and shakes her head. "I swear I'll never get some of these people."  
"High society," he tells her. "They get what they want, because they have the money to pay for it, no questions asked."  
"A way to relive her childhood, without having to look through all the scrapbooks at all the pretty pictures."  
"If she even had any pictures." 

The two of them sit in the interrogation room for a moment after they get what they were looking for, and after Bobby's comment, silence fell.

"Strange how some people will go to any lengths to remember the happier times, isn't it?" he asks, finally, quietly, and Alex looks at him.

"Sometimes," she says. "Depends on the person, what they're doing, who they are now and who they were before."

"What lengths would you go to?" Bobby asks, and she gives him a startled look, before shrugging.

"I go home," she says. "I go see my parents, and my siblings, and their kids, and I don't have to go any farther than that."  
He doesn't say anything after that, but she can tell he envies her this, and she feels almost guilty because of it.

* * *

He doesn't know why this case bothers him so much, and doesn't know that it'll be a while before it hits him, but it bothers him now, and he doesn't like it. 

"What kind of doctor does that?" he asks, as Alex drives. "They're sworn to help people, not to cause even more damage, and there he is, diluting chemotherapy medicine, making things worse and claiming he's making it better…"

He's this close to furious, and she can tell, which is why she took him out of the squad room, and promised him a cup of coffee.

"We got him," she says. "You know we got him. He won't be able to hurt anyone else, Bobby."  
"But he's already hurt a lot of people," Bobby points out, scowling. "I wish we'd been able to get him sooner."

She does, too. And she's as irritated as her partner is, but for some reason, this time, she can hide it more easily than he can. She pulls into a parking lot, turns the car off, and motions for him to follow her into this coffee shop she discovered on the way in to work the other day.

* * *

"Soap operas are overrated," she declares, and he bites back the desire to laugh at her. He's taken her for a margarita, because after the last case and coffee, he owes her. 

"There's one motive I've never seen before," he says, and she gives him a mock-surprised look.

"Finally, something you haven't seen," she says, looking amused. "I think we need to celebrate this one."

Bobby laughs. "I think not," he says. "I'm sure there are plenty of things that you haven't seen, either."  
Alex smirks at him. "Sure there are," she says. "But I swear this has got to be the strangest of them so far."

"It's easy to get caught up in things like that when you've been alone for a good part of your life," he says, and the smirk leaves her face, because she knows what he's getting at.

"True," she says, "But at the same time, they didn't have to turn to murder."

He nods, and glances at what's left of his own drink. "You're right," he says. "They didn't."

* * *

The fact that his mother was a librarian doesn't really surprise her. She's known for a while that her partner's got a fondness for books that most other people don't have. So when he disappears on their lunch hour and doesn't return within the time limits, she goes to find him. And she finally does…in a library of all places. 

"What are you doing?" she asks, quietly, so as not to disturb anyone else, and he looks up, startled.

"What time is it?" he asks in reply, and she motions to the watch he has on. He looks at it and swears softly. "Damn. Is the captain annoyed with me yet?"

"I don't think he even noticed you were still gone," Alex replies. "Come on. He'll notice if we're both gone."

So they leave. "What were you doing in there?" she asks, and then, "Is that where you go when you don't go to lunch with me?"

He nods. "It is," he says, and then, "I just…felt like reading something."

"You have books on your desk."

"I know, but it's too noisy in the squad room sometimes. I needed someplace quiet."

She knows what he means, because sometimes, the squad room gets on her nerves, too. But rather than saying this, she shakes her head.

"Well, come on," she says, "We've got ourselves a case to solve."

* * *

"A jack of all trades." 

"And a master of none."

It seems that everywhere they've gone so far, they've found at least a little bit of something to help them. Kelly Sussman is dead, and there is no bringing her back, but at least by solving the case, there will be some bit of justice.

"This guy's got to know he's screwed up in various places," Alex remarks, as they leave. "There's no way he couldn't have known."

"It's either he did know and didn't have time to get back and fix it, or he didn't know," says Bobby, "Either way, he's still a master of no trades. He's tried and failed in various places already."

Later, it's hands that prove their case. After they get their guy, Alex looks sideways at her partner's hands, and he notices her.

"I wouldn't do that to you," he says, and she gives him a startled look.

"I know you wouldn't," she says. "I've always known that. Why do you think I stick around?"

She doesn't expect him to laugh at this, but for some reason, he does.

* * *

"Must be frustrating," Carver had said, "A mind that even you can't unlock." 

It wasn't particularly meant as an insult, and he certainly hasn't taken it that way, but it does bother him. Not the comment, but rather the fact that Carver was right. This is one mind he can't get to.

"I don't get it," he says, to Alex later on, once everything's over and done with. "Why does it seem like most people are only in it for the money?"

"Because they are," Alex replies dryly, looking almost amused by this question. "Come on, Bobby, you know as well as I do that it's what makes this world go 'round."  
"Well, sure, but to be a self-motivational speaker and manipulate people like that…It just…doesn't fit."

"There are a lot of things in this world that don't fit. You know it, I know it…everyone knows it. We just…have to find those things that do fit."

"Like you and me, for example?"

"Yeah, like you and me."

* * *

"No, the problem with men is that they talk too much," she tells Carver, before he leaves. 

Bobby looks at her, trying not to look amused, but it doesn't work. "We talk too much?"

"I know very few guys who don't talk too much," says Alex. "Very few."

He waits, and she rolls her eyes at him. "Yes, you're one of them."  
"You do know you've just opened a topic of discussion, don't you? Now I want to know who the others are."

"Of course you do," says Alex, and sits at her desk. "You want answers to everything."

"There's nothing wrong with that."

"I didn't say there was."

"Are you going to tell me who those other people are, or am I going to have to figure it out on my own?"

"You, my dad…the captain…that's about it. All my brothers talk too much; every other guy cop I know talks too much."

"And Carver?"

"He can talk too much. He doesn't always, but there are some points in time where I just wanna…"  
"I'll pretend I didn't hear that, in case something does happen."  
"You're starting to talk too much, Bobby."

* * *

"I don't see the point," he remarks, and she looks at him, and shakes her head. 

"A lot of women are afraid of getting old, Bobby," she tells him, "It's their way of staying young."

"Well, yes, but injecting that stuff into their faces to make the wrinkles disappear? Whatever happened to aging gracefully?"

"This is the 21st century. There are new ways of 'aging gracefully'. Shooting yourself full of Botox happens to be one of them."

"Would you do it?"

"Nah. I'm not that old yet. Even if I was, I wouldn't. Never did like needles much."

This surprises him, because he's always gotten the impression that his partner is fearless.

"Guys do this, too, y'know," she continues. "Would you ever do it?"  
He shakes his head. "No," he says, and then, "I don't particularly like needles, either."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Let me just first say that I'm really sorry I've put off updating this for so long. To be honest, I only just remembered I had this one up, and then I was like, 'Well, way to leave it halfway through season 2', so here's to hoping I can actually get this done before the new season begins. Follows from See Me to A Person of Interest. **

* * *

He's quiet when it's over, and she has the feeling that she knows why. She's never taken her partner as one to open up about personal lives out of nowhere, especially his own, but now…

"You want to know, don't you?" he asks, his voice startling her enough so that she jumps, because she didn't think he saw her, but apparently, he did. And she can't answer, because she can't deny that she does want to know.

He takes her silence as an answer. "It hasn't hit me yet. I don't know if it will."

"I wasn't going to ask," she says, even though she really was, because it's the polite thing to say, even though her curiosity has once again gotten the best of her. _Curiosity killed the cat, Alex,_ she thinks, and sits beside him.

"You know, I used to get asked all the time why I am the way I am," he says, and then, "They always left after that came out."

She takes the opportunity to grab his hand, and squeeze once, hard, and then again, gently.

"I'm afraid you're stuck with me."

* * *

"I didn't know you had an older, geekier brother," she says, and he rolls his eyes when she isn't looking. Later, when it's just the two of them, he explains a few things about the particular disorder their suspect had, and she rolls her eyes while he is looking.

"You know too much," she tells him. "You're giving me a headache."

A bottle of aspirin appears, along with a water bottle. She rolls her eyes again. "Cute, Goren."

"If you have a headache, you ought to take them," he replies, with a perfectly straight face that makes her laugh.

"What'd I ever do to deserve you, huh?" she asks, half-joking, and he looks at her for a long moment before shrugging.

"I don't know," he says. "Then again, I haven't yet managed to figure out how I…ended up here with you, so I guess we're even."

She gives him a look of mock surprise. "Wow. I think this merits me buying coffee tomorrow morning."  
But she forgets, somehow, and he ends up buying it anyway.

* * *

"This is what happens when the cops get too eager," she mutters, "People get convicted for no damn reason."

This last case has been a complicated one, and he's taken her for a drink, because they're off duty, and he's convinced they both deserve it.

"Suppose you could say that you can fault them for rushing, but that you can't fault them for wanting to get the case closed." says Bobby. She eyes him intently for a long moment and then shakes her head.

"They should've known better," she says, and then, "Come on. If we're not held to a high standard, then what kind of standard can we expect the rest of the city to be held to?"

"The same standards we're held by, honestly," says Bobby, "We are held by a higher standard than most people, but why shouldn't it be the same for them?"

"Because they aren't us," Alex points out. "They aren't the ones risking their lives to uphold the law and such."

"No," says Bobby, nodding in agreement. "We are. But I still don't see the difference. Why should we be held to a higher, harder standard than them?"

"Because if we aren't, then who will be?"

* * *

"Blue dress, huh?" he asks, and she gives him a look, because he knows full well she was being sarcastic, and is only poking at her for the hell of it.

"Yeah, a blue dress," she says, dryly. "Powers called me a devil, remember?"  
He gives her an amused look. "Hence the blue dress reference," he says. "You ever wear one before?"

Alex shakes her head. "Yeah," she says, because she has. "Why?"

Bobby shrugs. "Just wondering," he replies. "No reason in particular."

And for a moment, she imagines showing up at work in a blue dress, just to see what kind of reaction it would get out of him. She wonders if it would be the one she's starting to think she wants, and isn't sure, so she pushes the thought away and rolls her eyes.

"Hand me a pen," she says. "Might as well get this paperwork done while we have a chance."

* * *

"…and the worst part about it is that in a year, his own son isn't even going to remember who he is."

They leave the interrogation room after he says this, and she puts a hand on his arm, surprised when he doesn't pull away from her.

"Coffee in the break room's going to be awful by now, unless someone bothered to make a new pot," she says. "Come on, I'll buy you a cup."

He allows himself to be led out to the squad room, where she tells him to wait, before she goes off to inform Deakins that they're leaving, and that it's likely they won't be back before tomorrow's shift begins, and then they leave.

"You all right?" she asks, and he shrugs, sitting across from her once they reach their destination.

"I'm not sure," he says. "All that work, and for what? It…was never going to help, and…you know, I just…I get it."

She knows what he means. "You understand Durning's motive," she says, and he nods.

"It shouldn't…a parent shouldn't have to ask for his or her child to remember them, it just…doesn't make sense."

But at the same time, it does, and both of them know it, so when their coffee comes, they sip at it in silence.

* * *

She pokes fun at him about the keyboard thing, because she can, and because she thinks it's funny that her partner is fascinated with things such as that.

"I should've taken a picture," she tells him. "The great Detective Goren reduced to playing with a keyboard."

He laughs. "Maybe you should have," he says. "Send it around the squad room, see how many laughs we can get out of it…"  
"Into the captain's office, to see if he rolls his eyes at us or asks if we don't have better things to do, before threatening us with more paperwork…"  
"Maybe even to the Chief of Detectives, to see if he can't find a better use for a pair of Major Case detectives."

"We should do that first, and see what Deakins does."  
"I'm not too sure I want to know what he'd do."

"Oh, come on. It couldn't possibly that bad. He might yell, stick us on a desk, threaten us with a five-day rip…"  
"All because of a keyboard?"

"Depends on what mood he's in. You ought to know that by now."

They look at each other, and then look away, quickly, to see if they can keep from laughing, but it doesn't work.

* * *

"You have to come out now," she tells him, fighting to keep the amused look off of her face, because she knows she's going to dissolve into laughter if she lets it come.

He does, reluctantly. "It really is an…interesting experience, you know," he remarks. She laughs.

"Not in mixed company, remember?" she asks, and motions to the uniforms standing there. "I'm sure they don't want to hear it."  
He smirks at her. "That's not what I meant," he says, and she rolls her eyes at him.

"I know what you meant," she says, and then, "Interesting, huh? Now you've got me wanting to try it out."

He laughs. "Well, you still have a chance," he points out. "I won't tell if you don't."

There is a mischievous note there that she doesn't miss, and she shakes her head. "Incorrigible," she mutters, and then, "You really won't tell?"

"Scout's honor," he says, but she doubts he was a scout, and decides to take his word for it anyway.

Later on, when she pokes at her older brother at the family home, she tells him about sitting in that car, and smirks at the look on his face.

* * *

He wonders after the case is over what it feels like to never know fear. And then he decides he doesn't want to know, because without fear, there is no relief, or so he thinks, and so he decides that he rather likes being able to feel fear.

"At least it means that I know better than to take chances like this," he says, when Deakins makes a comment about it.

"Fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself," says Alex, and Bobby looks at her with raised eyebrows, because he recognizes the quote, not by who has said it, but because it came from a book he's read.

"Don't give me that look," Alex tells him, once Deakins wanders off to talk to Carver, "I know you've read 'em."

"Wasn't aware that you had," Bobby replies. Alex shrugs.

"I've got nephews," she says. "Of course I have. They're like the only books that lot will read."

"So," says Bobby, deciding to change the subject, for the moment, "What do you think? The feeling of fear, or no fear at all?"  
She shrugs again, and doesn't answer, at least, not out loud.

* * *

"A chance to breathe," she says, and he nods, slowly, in agreement.

"A chance to get away," he replies. "To a place where she didn't have to worry anymore."  
"She ended up worrying anyway," says Alex, of Ann Lawson. "Couldn't keep away."

"They were her family," says Bobby, more blunt with her than he's been in times past. "Sooner or later, you always end up going back."

Alex mulls this over for a long moment, and then nods, because she knows he's right. Sooner or later, everyone ends up going back, whether they like it or not.

"The one tie that you can never break," she says. He nods again.

"The one tie that you never really want to break, no matter how bad it gets," he tells her, and she isn't surprised when he turns to look out the window as she drives.

"You want me to drop you off at your place?" she asks, and when he doesn't answer at first, she turns, so that they go into Queens, rather than into Manhattan.

When he notices where they are, he shakes his head. "Eames, I can't…I don't want to…impose…"  
She rolls her eyes and shuts the car off. "You're not imposing," she says. "Come on."

They wander into the house, and towards the kitchen. Alex glances at her partner, and smiles faintly, before calling out, loudly.

"Hey, Mom! Mind setting another place at the table?"

* * *

"I hate guys like that," she mutters, when they leave. He looks at her for a long moment and then speaks.

"The ones who like to show themselves off?" he asks, because of where they've just been, and she nods.

"It bothers me," she says. "How a guy can think he's…God or something. And that idiot in there just undressing in front of us like that?"

"I get the feeling you'd have shot him if given the chance," says Bobby, and Alex rolls her eyes at him.

"It's not funny," she says. "D'you think I wanted to see that?"

He shakes his head, but is unable to keep the amused look off his face. "There's a reason I kept walking around."  
"I noticed. Thanks. You saved that guy from an untimely fate," says Alex, shaking her head. "The sooner we close this case, the better."

When they do, he takes her out, and she thinks for a moment that maybe guys aren't so bad after all.

* * *

The conversation in the captain's office doesn't go all that well. Alex is quite aware of the fact that to pull the captain away from his family is akin to a cardinal sin, in his book, anyway, but desperate (at the moment) times call for desperate (at the moment) measures. And so Deakins is there, and so is Carver, and her partner leaves.

She knows he hasn't left the squad room, because his coat his still on the back of his chair, and she knows he isn't in the break room, because no one bothered to make new coffee, and it's the first place she looks. So she starts a new pot, just because she can, and continues to look. And when she finds him, the observation room is dark, and he's staring into an interrogation room that's just as dark, and she can't help but notice that the light streaming in from the hallway shows their reflections on the glass.

She also can't help but notice that his seems…broken, somehow, and it bothers the hell out of her. He's leaning forward, his hands bracing the rest of his body against the mirror frame, and when he speaks, his voice is low.

"She got me," he tells her. "She got me good."

It takes a split second for her to come up with an answer as she steps closer to him. "Then let's get her back."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Ok, I am still working on this one, I swear, and I know it's been forever since I updated. I'll try and be more on time about updates. This follows from Undaunted Mettle to FPS. **

* * *

"Well, I told him."

"What'd he say?"

"He gave me a big hug. He said it was a great thing I was doing for my sister and he said when the time comes he'll hook you up with a temporary partner."

"Oh no! I didn't even think of that. What'd you say?"

"I pitied the fool."

He wonders what she means by this, but doesn't ask. Instead, he looks at her. She looks happy, he muses, and wonders why he suddenly feels so conflicted about the whole thing. _It's because she'll be going away_, he thinks, and feels guilty about it, because he knows it isn't up to him, and because he feels almost selfish, wanting to keep her there with him.

For a moment, Bobby wonders if she's going to come back. But before he can bring himself to say something about it, to ask her what's going to happen now, Deakins comes out of the office.

"How 'bout our gal, huh? Surrogate mom," he says, and Bobby decides as he listens, that for the moment, he will leave well enough alone.

* * *

"What drives a person to change their looks, anyway?" she asks. "I don't get it. I mean, I do, but at the same time, I don't."

"One would think that they'd be happy with whatever God saw fit to give them, but apparently not," comes the reply. "Colored contacts, hair dye…you can become a new person in a matter of minutes."

At this point, Alex gives Bobby an amused look and sighs. "Who would you be if you didn't want to be Robert Goren?" she asks, and he gives her a startled look.

"Um…I'm not…sure. I think I like myself well enough not to want to change," he says, and she realizes too late that the question is an awkward one, at least, for him.

"I spent an entire winter once, when I was a kid, pretending I was some ice princess," she remarks. "Stupid, I know, but I was nine or so. Introduced myself as Aurelia to everyone I met."

"The name actually means 'golden'. Latin origin," says Bobby, while imagining a little nine year old Alex pretending to be an ice princess. "Did you ice skate?"

She looks at him with raised eyebrows for a long moment, before nodding. "Yeah, I did. It was after I read some book. Don't remember what it was."

"A moment to be someone else," says Bobby, and Alex shrugs.

"Sometimes you need to escape, to forget yourself," she tells him, but he shakes his head.

"The problem is that sometimes, when you want it to be over, you can no longer remember who you are."

* * *

"The man with the broken neck," she teases, and he ignores the teasing note and shrugs.

"You know, I never noticed how much I lean over when I talk to people until now," he remarks.

"Watch," she says. "Tomorrow, you won't notice it all, and everything will be back to normal."

"If you can call life around this place normal," he replies. "At least the case is over now."

"I take it you never really liked psychics much?" Alex asks, and Bobby shakes his head.

"I never really saw the point, to be honest," he admits. "It always seemed to me as if they made their living taking away other people's hope. I don't think life would be much worth living if we always knew what was going to happen."

"So, you live to expect the unexpected, then?" Alex asks. He nods.

"I like to think there's still some hope left in this world, despite all that we see." He looks towards the paperwork between their desks and sighs. "Like the hope that we'll get through all this before Deakins notices we're behind again."

Alex snorts. "I think he's got paperwork radar or something. It's not likely we'll get it done before he realizes we're being too quiet."

"I heard that," says their aforementioned commander, and then, "Go home. It can wait until the morning."  
"My ears deceive me," says Alex, but she's already on her feet. Deakins shakes his head at her.

"You're not funny," he tells her. "Both of you, home. I don't want to see you back until tomorrow."  
They leave, together. And he drags her to a restaurant, so she can eat, because he's been reading lately, and he knows she needs to, and this time around, she doesn't object.

* * *

"They whacked the wrong lawyer," says Deakins, and it turns out as the case goes on that they really did. When it ends, the three of them are in the office, watching their doer being arrested, and he makes another comment.

"So much for handing out brains with those gold shields," he says, and that's that. The case is over, and they are free to do as they will until the next call comes in.

"Another case of cops gone wrong," says Alex, sitting down, and feeling rather awkward about this. Bobby looks at her for a moment before nodding.

"Why is it that when it's the last person in the world we want to be looking at, it's the first person we should be looking at?" he asks. She laughs.

"Take off your gun and stay a while," she quips. "You all right?"  
He nods, again, and disappears, out into the area right outside the squad room. When he comes back, he's carrying a small packet of Skittles, which he hands to her before doing as she'd said a moment before.

"So, are we still at a higher standard?" he asks, She nods.

"You and I?" she asks in reply. "Of course we are. Doesn't get any higher than you and me."

"I wouldn't let the captain hear that if I were you."

"Oh, what's he gonna do to an old pregnant woman? Most I'll get is early desk duty."

"Do you really wanna risk it?"  
"Nope." She pops a few Skittles into her mouth and grins at him. "Hey. Don't worry about it, all right? We're fine. And I am coming back."

And just like that, she's read his mind, and managed to take away his latest fears. Relaxing, he picks up a pen, and takes a file from her side of their desks.

* * *

"She's not you," he says, plaintively, when she opens the door to her place. She wonders briefly how he found out where she lived, and then remembers that she told him as she moves to let him in.

"Miss me already?" she asks, dryly, and the look he gives her in reply tells her everything that she needs to know.

"She doesn't…get it…I mean, she does, but…she doesn't, and it's just…strange," he says, staring at his feet.  
Her name is Lynn Bishop. She came from Homicide, and from what Alex has heard, she is a good enough detective. She wonders what the problem is and doubts she'll get to the bottom of it in a single night.

"She can't be that bad, Bobby," she says, and wanders into the kitchen, suddenly in want of something to drink, something that's not coffee, she muses, and it's too bad, because it's the one thing she wants. She settles for tea, instead, and makes coffee for her partner.

"She's not. She's just…not you," says Bobby, still without looking at her. "I can't…do this."

"Yeah, you can," says Alex. "It's not forever, Bobby, you know I'm coming back, so what's the problem?"  
"I don't know," he replies, and without thinking, she reaches out to take his hand, lacing her fingers through his own.

* * *

She goes to a cop's funeral in civilian clothes, because her dress uniform is getting to the point where it doesn't fit anymore, which she silently curses at and at the same time is happy with, because it means that everything's all right. So she goes, and wears her shield, to show that she's still a cop, pregnant or not, with a black band over it.

Afterwards, she sees her partner in his dress uniform, and he sees her, so he walks over. "You feeling all right?" he asks, by way of greeting, and she nods.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she says, quietly. "Figured I would come and pay my respects, same as everyone else."

"You're not in uniform," he observes, and she chuckles, softly, looking amused as she glances up at him.

"Doesn't fit," she says. "How are things?"

He shrugs. "Could be better, could be worse." He looks around, to make sure no one's really listening, and then goes on. "Promise you won't tell if the captain ends up dead for sticking me with her?"  
Alex laughs. "I'm sure someone will figure it out," she says, "But I won't say anything."

"When are you coming back?" he asks, quickly, because they've both noticed Deakins coming towards them, because he's seen her, and she reaches for his hand and squeezes, hard.

"As soon as I can," she says, and then the captain is there, and suddenly, they're a squad again.

* * *

"…carry me up the stairs, I can't believe I said that." Alex is already muttering under her breath when she shows up, because she'd promised to meet him, and she slides into the seat across from him, shaking her head. "Can you believe I did that?"

"Well…no," Bobby admits, without looking at her. "Not really something I'd have expected, but I can understand it."

"You try walking with a kid inside you," says Alex dryly, and then, "You still want to kill the captain?"

"Why?" Bobby asks, warily, almost surprised that she remembers that he said this, even though he really shouldn't be.

"Because I think that you and I should come up with something. I'm getting tired of desk duty."

"What d'you think he would say if he could hear us talking about this?"  
"He'd probably never come into work again, not that I could blame him. We all know how to make it look like an accident."

"A fall down the stairs…"

"Mistaking something for sugar….the smell of almonds in your coffee that you don't notice…"

He laughs. "Listen to us. We're awful."

She gives him an amused look. "We're free to talk, so long as we don't actually go through with anything."

When they leave, he gets up as she does, helps her into her coat, and opens the door for her. A thought suddenly hits him, and he turns to her.

"You know something?" he asks. She smirks.

"I know a lot of things, Bobby," she says, and then, "What?"

"I'd have carried you."

* * *

"So, how's your face?" she asks, and he rolls his eyes at her.

"I'm not sure yet," he replies, "But I think I'll be fine. Thanks for asking, though."

"Hey, what are partners for?" says Alex, looking amused. She holds out a blue colored bag to him. "Skittles?"

He gives her a mock surprised look, but takes some. "An event that should be recorded in Major Case history."

Alex rolls her eyes. "You're not funny," she tells him, even though she secretly wants to laugh at this remark.

"You know, sometimes it's sad how people can be so influenced by someone who's just…nice to them," Bobby remarks, and Alex gives him a sideways look.

"Sometimes it's easy to believe that this person is nice to you just because there's something to be nice about," she says.

"Looks, personality…if people could just learn to be decent to each other on a regular basis, then maybe…" But he trails off, because it's wishful thinking, and he knows it.

"Hey," she says, as a sudden thought hits her, "I'm not nice to you just 'cause I think you're smart and good-looking, y'know."  
He gives her an amused look. "You think I'm good looking, Eames?" he asks, dryly, and she grins at him, putting a finger to her lips.

"I won't tell if you don't."

* * *

He has seen fear before, but somehow, when that fear is coming from a child, it seems worse. And so he walks, through Central Park, alone, until he hears footsteps behind him and turns to see her there.

"Aren't you supposed to be relaxing?" he asks, quietly, and she shrugs.

"Bishop called me," she says, simply, "She told me that something seemed wrong with you."  
"And so you came looking for me," says Bobby, annoyed by the fact that Bishop knows him at least well enough to call her when something seems off. _She's not supposed to know me like that,_ he thinks, stubbornly, because he knows he's supposed to be used to his temp by now.

"Well, I couldn't very well relax knowing something was wrong with my partner," Alex replies, and then, "We need to sit."

So they do, near a playground, ironically, and Bobby remains silent, just watching the children as they play. There is no sign of fear in any of their faces, and it is this that gives him some kind of relief.

"You wanna talk about it?" Alex's voice breaks into his thoughts, and he shakes his head, because at the moment, he doesn't. She watches him, and says nothing.

"They actually thought they were going to get sent back," he says, finally. "Back to…to where they'd been taken from, and…all they wanted was to protect themselves."

She knows better than to tell him that they could have gone a way other than murder, and this leaves her at a loss of words, so she remains silent, and he goes on.

"Why is it that fear always seems worse when it's coming from a child?"

* * *

The text message comes while they're in the courtroom, and he conveys the news to Carver, a faint smile on his face. He doesn't notice Bishop until she touches his shoulder and tells him to go, that she'll cover for him with Deakins, not that there's any need for covering in order, but the gesture is a nice one.

She's quiet when he goes in, which is unexpected. He half-expected her to be ecstatic, wanting to talk to him, but when he draws closer, he can see the evidence of tears.

"I didn't think it'd hurt that much to let him go," she admits, quietly. "I know I wasn't doing this for me, but…" And her voice breaks, and he feels awkward, like he shouldn't be there. But he cannot bring himself to leave, and so he sits, and when he does, she reaches for his hand.

"You are," he tells her, once the ability to speak returns to him, "The most amazing person I've ever known. There aren't so many who would be willing to do what you've done."

She offers up a faint smile, and then finds herself suddenly hit by the desire to have him next to her, so she moves over. He stares at her for a moment, and when she nods, he takes the empty place beside her.

"Thanks for coming," she mumbles, her voice almost inaudible in the otherwise silent room. He puts a tentative arm around her.

"I wouldn't have missed it for the world."


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: An actual update! Onto the first part of season four after this...finally. This follows from Mad Hops to Consumed. **

* * *

"I used to play, you know," he tells her. "Gave it up after a while."

She watches him for a moment and then shakes her head at him. "What made you give it up?"

He shrugs. "My father," he admits. "I was…well, I wasn't playing for myself. Let's just put it that way."

At this, Alex gives a wry smile, because in all the time she's known her partner, basketball was one thing she never expected him to be involved in.

"Suppose you made it because you're so tall, then?" she asks, and Bobby gives her an amused look.

"I was actually somewhat good," he says. "Power forward. Something to…keep me away from home every now and then."  
It's not something that he's admitted to anyone else, because he's always felt guilty about it, and she gives him a sideways look.

"So, what really made you quit?" she asks, because she knows there's a reason why he really left, and he looks at her for a long moment before answering.

"Because there was no one else," he says, simply, and she knows, somehow, exactly what he means.

* * *

"Amazing how some people never really let go of their childhood dreams, isn't it?" Alex asks dryly, and Bobby looks at her.

"What amazes me," he says, "Is that some people are so willing to kill in order to make those dreams come true."  
She rolls her eyes, even though she knows he has a point. She's become used to his comments every now and then about the nature of people and the world around them, and only pretends not to listen to him, something she knows he's well aware of.

"I could use a drink," she says to him, not really expecting him to reply, but he does, a faint smile on his face as they walk out of the theater that they're in.

"Well, so could I," he says. "Come on, I'll buy if you'll drive."

She shakes her head at him. "Goren, if you think I'm getting into a car with you behind the wheel…" She trails off, abruptly as the last part of that sentence comes to her, and she looks away. But he laughs.

"Then I've lost my mind, right?" he says, amused. "Can't say I blame you. But I'm still buying."

Relieved that he hasn't taken any sort of offense by what she had been about to say, she pulls the keys out of her pocket and squints against the sun.

"And I'm still driving."

* * *

She shows up at his place, partly because she doesn't think she's ever been there before, and because he usually comes to her place, and she feels that it's time for a change. He doesn't look surprised to see her, which she supposes is a good thing, and he moves to allow her inside.

"Your place is cleaner than mine," she says, and he laughs at her.

"Guess you could say it bothers me when things are out of place," he says, and wanders into the kitchen. She follows. He continues. "You want coffee?"

"Finally, a man after my own heart," Alex quips, and sits at the table because she's tired, and her shoes are killing her feet. She takes them off, and puts them aside so Bobby won't trip. "Dance lessons. Of all places to meet a criminal, ballroom dancing lessons."

"Well, there's one good thing about New York City," Bobby says dryly, walking over and handing her a cup of coffee. "You never miss out on the chance to meet interesting people."  
Alex snorts into the mug. "That's for sure," she says. "But then, I don't think people come to the city to meet other people."

"Some people do."  
"Well, yeah, but that's if they already know the person. I'm talking in general. Work with me here."

He ignores this remark, and motions out into the main living area, where a song is playing quietly.

"Don't suppose it would go over well if I asked you to dance?" he asks, slowly, hesitantly, and she shakes her head at him, a faint smile crossing her face.

"It'd go over wonderfully," she says, and takes the hand he offers.

* * *

He finds himself wandering through the city after the case is over, and before he knows it, he's standing in a pediatric ward of a hospital, not knowing why he's there, and he's calling her, because he left her a few hours ago, and figures she's probably worried because he hasn't said anything.

When she shows up, her first words are for him. "What are you doing here?"

"I don't know," he says. "I just…came here."  
And she has the feeling as she looks at him that he is there because of an innocent child victim from their last case, who never should have been involved.

"The place is always looking for volunteers, you know," she says, quietly. "Someone to be near the kids who don't have anyone else…."

She trails off as he looks at her, and she is struck by the almost hopeful look she sees there, as if he cannot dare to believe that he'd be permitted to do such a thing. So she takes it upon herself to tap one of the passing nurses, and talk to her in an undertone while he stands a few feet away.

It works. They're assigned to different parts of the ward to help out, gloves and scrubs and everything, and she hopes more than anything that this will help to relieve her partner of whatever it is that he's feeling.

And it does. When she finds him again, hours later, he's somehow found his way to the nursery. He doesn't notice her, doesn't see her standing there in the doorway watching him.

But she can see him, and hear him, quietly telling fairytales to a newborn little girl, a few weeks early, who's already starting to fall asleep in his arms.

* * *

"You know a couple's dysfunctional when you've got an ADA saying that they make him want to go home and kiss his wife," Alex says dryly, and Bobby looks away from her to keep from laughing.

"You know a case is getting shot to hell when your captain leaves early, claiming a family emergency," he replies, and Alex smirks.

"Look at us," she says. "We should compile a list of these things and send it around the department. Bet it'd get a few laughs."

"And a few lectures," says Bobby, "Somehow it'd end up in the captain's inbox."

"Yeah, through me," says Alex, still smirking. "He might lecture us to our faces, but if he thinks we haven't figured out he laughs at us when he closes that office door…"

"I suppose that's just one of those things that we should pretend we don't know about, then," says Bobby, and then, "It's almost hard to believe that a couple could want to manipulate each other the way they did."

"Actually, it's not," says Alex, "Happens all the time. We just don't see it as often because usually we're dealing with money as a motive or secrets and lies, or…other things."

"Secrets and lies are what lead to manipulation in the first place," says Bobby, and thinks of the grown daughter of the pair they speak of, a woman whom they've just arrested. "Then again, so is neglect."  
Alex gives him a sideways look, and debates on whether or not to tell him that he's turned out just fine, despite his past. After a moment, she settles for silence, and then, she pokes at him.

"Come on, we'll go get coffee. You look like you could use one."

* * *

"You know what I find amazing?"  
"What?"

"The fact that people can actually do that. Make someone believe that what they've done themselves is actually something someone else did, from years gone by."

"I suppose you could say that that's why some people consider forgery an art." Bobby trails off and looks at his partner for a moment before shaking his head. "I'm not so sure."

"Why? Because it's against the law, or because you don't really think it qualifies?" Alex asks. He sighs.

"Both," he says. "I hardly see the significance of someone copying something and passing it off as their own, but at the same time, it's against the law, so I don't see why anyone would do it."

"To make money, to have things that they wouldn't be able to have otherwise…there are all kinds of reasons, you know," says Alex, and he nods.

"Yeah, I know," he says, "But I still don't see the point. It…doesn't make sense to me."

"Bet you could do it if you wanted to."

"Probably, but I've never tried, and I'm not likely to do so, either." He trails off, amused. "Why are we talking about this, again?"  
"Because it fascinates me, that's why." But she trails off for a moment, too, and abruptly changes the subject. "You want to meet my nephew?"

He gives her a stunned look, but nods. She grins and grabs his hand.

"Well, come on, then, let's go. Today's one of my days to see him."

* * *

"Yes and no," says Bobby. "Two answers that can change a person's world."

Alex hears this and shakes her head at him. "An answer to a marriage proposal, an answer to someone asking for a date…an answer to lead to a confession…"

"An answer to save your own life while ruining someone else's…an answer to bring someone to justice."

"Two words that can piss off the captain without deliberately trying…" Alex trails off and Bobby eyes her for a moment.

"Are you saying that you deliberately try to piss him off?" he asks, and Alex smirks.

"If I tell you, I'll have to kill you," she says.

"Well, my dear partner," says Bobby mildly, "You've just told me."

"Damn, I knew you'd catch that," says Alex, but she looks rather amused by this, and he knows she isn't truly irritated by it.

"You forget that I know how to profile someone," he points out, and she pokes him in the arm.

"Are you profiling me?" she asks, pretending to be annoyed, but he knows better and smirks at her.

"If I tell you, I'll have to kill you," he says, parroting her earlier remark, and she whacks him in the shoulder.

"You're not funny," she tells him, and he laughs.

"You know you love me," he says.

And as the last word leaves him, he wonders if she really does, and carefully avoids looking her in the eye, not wanting to see whatever look is on her face.

* * *

She made the comment that she'd once wished that she could live on a horse farm, and he'd poked at her for it. And then he'd felt guilty about it, so he'd done research and had come up with something to somewhat make up for teasing her. And now she sat beside him, irritable, because he'd put a blindfold on her and threatened to cuff her if she moved to take it off.

"I never figured you as a handcuffs kind of guy," she quips, and he rolls his eyes.

"I'm not," he says, "And I'd let you drive if this wasn't a surprise, but it is, so I can't."

"You better not kill me in a car wreck, Goren, or I will come back to haunt you. I can't believe you even talked Deakins into letting us have the day off."  
"It wasn't that hard. Believe it or not, all it takes is asking nicely."

"That explains a lot."  
Silence. He looks over at her briefly before turning back to the road. "We'll be there in a little bit."  
"Good."

And sure enough, they are. Twenty minutes after that comment and a random conversation that involved much poking at various subjects, they arrive.

"You can't see anything, can you?" he asks, and she shakes her head. He gets out of the car, opens the door for her, helps her out, and takes off the blindfold. She stares at where they are and then at him.

"How…you…." she says, but trails off. He gives her an amused look.

"It's paid for," he tells her. "There's a library somewhere nearby, so you can take as long as you'd like to. I…ah…figured this was a way to make up for teasing you."

"Are you kidding me?" she asks, and he shakes his head.

"I'm not. I thought it'd…that it'd be a good idea to let you relax, live out your dream for a day."

* * *

"I can't imagine anger being the only true emotion that I could feel," says Alex. "It'd drive me up the wall."

"Some people can't really help it," says Bobby, in his typical way of understanding these things. "It's either some kind of chemical imbalance in their head, or an emotional thing….abused as a child, neglected…"  
"To the point where all they can feel is anger towards the world around them?" Alex asks. "I'd hate to live like that."

"Well, some people are lucky. They're raised by people who love and care for them, who know how to help when things go wrong," says Bobby, without looking at her.

"What are you eating, anyway?" she asks, changing the subject abruptly, and he looks over at her.

"A fig," he says. "Considering the case we just closed, I know it's a bit strange, but I like them."

"I don't think I've ever tried them," says Alex, and she really hasn't, and she doesn't expect him to cut the thing in half and hand her one of the halves, but he does.

"There's a first time for everything," he says, "Might as well take the chance while you can."  
She eats her half, and then looks over at him. "That's actually pretty good," she remarks, and he produces another, whole one, and hands it to her.

"This particular type isn't really that hard to find," he remarks. "Other varieties are a bit harder."

"I suppose you're some sort of fig connoisseur?" she teases, and he shrugs, giving her an amused look.

"I read a lot. What can I say?"

* * *

"Life is one of those things that shouldn't be determined by another human," he says, and looking at his partner's startled look, he continues. "I'm not speaking in terms of conception and birth. I'm talking as in the decision that someone's life should end."

The startled look disappears. "Can't say I don't agree with you," Alex says. "However, some people also think that it's their right to play God, and so they do, and it never ends well."  
"Well, of course not," says Bobby. "To even attempt to play the deity that controls life and death as it is…sooner or later, it will come back to bite you."

"What goes around comes around," says Alex. "My mother used to tell me that whenever I whacked one of my brothers. I was always the one she caught, and then when they decided to get back at me, she was never around."

Bobby gives her an amused look. "I find it strangely funny that I can actually see this happening in the back of my head."

She swats at him, catching him in the shoulder, and smirks. "The difference between them and you is that you're too decent to hit me back."

"Well, I'm also not related to you," Bobby points out, and she looks at him with raised eyebrows.  
"Is that supposed to mean that you would if you were related to me?" she asks, and he shakes his head.

"No," he says. "I'd never lay a hand on you in that way."

And she knows he wouldn't. She had just been poking at him, in all reality, but at the same time, she feels a little bit guilty for going in that particular direction.

"Don't worry, Bobby," she says, taking note of the expression on his face that he thinks is hidden enough that she can't see it. "I know."

* * *

"Well, it's not a mouthful of ashes," says Alex, looking amused as she takes a sip from the drink in front of her. "That's for sure."

Bobby gives her a mock affronted look. "Do you really think I would give you a mouthful of ashes?"

"Squad room coffee tastes about the same, Bobby," she says.

"Why do you think I buy you coffee in the morning?" comes the reply, and Alex laughs.

"Sometimes I think you spoil me, partner," she says. "Back in Vice, none of the other guys would've bothered."

"Back in Vice, they didn't know what they had while they had it," says Bobby, without thinking, and when he notices Alex looking at him, he thinks that he wouldn't be surprised to look in a mirror to find that his face is red.

"I could say the same of Narcotics," she replies, finally, once the awkward moment has passed. "You know what would suck?"

"What?" Bobby asks, and takes a sip from his own drink. Alex looks at him for a moment and goes on.

"If one of the squad were to walk in here and see us. That'd fuel the rumor mill better than anything else."

"You think they'd actually say anything?"  
"If you think they wouldn't, then maybe you haven't been around MCS as long as you thought you have. Sometimes I swear our squad lives for gossip."

"Even the captain?"  
"Nah. He's heard it all by now. Most he'll do is haul us into his office and ask if anything's going on, which there's not, so we have nothing to worry about."

Silence falls between them, and he wonders as he looks at her without saying a word if it will remain that way forever.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Another update, as promised, and the beginning of season four. Follows from Semi-Detached to Collective. **

* * *

He feels guilty afterwards, when it's all over and done with and Nelda's been arrested, and there's nothing that he can do about anything anymore. And it bothers him, because he's never been the sort to play someone that way, but apparently, that's changed.

"You know, sitting there and brooding all night isn't going to do you any good," says Alex. "You want something to eat?"

He nods, wordlessly. She gives an exasperated sigh, and makes a half-hearted attempt to grab his arm and lift him up. It doesn't work. She rolls her eyes.

"Fine," she says, "You be that way. I'll be in the kitchen if you want anything, because I, for one, am starving."

When she comes out again, she's carrying two plates, and he's still where he was. She rolls her eyes again and sits beside him.

"You know, this isn't going to help," she says, again, "Everyone knows you didn't mean to hurt her, Bobby."

"That doesn't change the fact that I did…she wasn't supposed to see it…I didn't want her to see it."

But the fact remains that Nelda had seen it, and Alex knows this, and knows that it will bother her partner for a long while, and so she leans over and puts her head on his shoulder.

"You're still a good person," she tells him. "Some things just can't be helped."  
"Could've tried a different tactic," he mutters, but takes the sandwich she's offered him. "Thanks, Alex."  
"Don't mention it."

* * *

"His most humane work, and no one will ever see it," says Bobby, and Alex shakes her head.

"This is one of the stranger ones," she says, of the case they've just closed. "At least this guy had the decency to make these women look somewhat dignified."

"Even though they were dead," says Bobby, and shakes his head. "To think, all these women had to suffer because of one man's twisted desire for revenge."  
"You would think that he'd have gone after the people who actually harmed him," Alex remarks, as they leave the studio they're in. "But no, innocent victims…this city makes me sick sometimes."

"The city, or the people that dwell in it?" Bobby asks and Alex sighs.

"Both," she says. "It's hard to appreciate things when we're always, constantly looking at the dark side of everything."  
He falls silent for a moment as he mulls over what she's just said, and then decides to debate this point. "There have to be points in time where all you can see is the bright side," he remarks.

"Well, yeah," she says. "Of course there are."

"Like what?" he asks, curiosity having gotten the better of him.

"Like when I'm working cases with you," she quips, "You know, doing paperwork, dealing with people who think they're too good for us, listening to Deakins have a fit at the brass because they won't leave us alone…"

"That's really one of the bright sides?"  
"Of course it is. I get to hang out with you all day."

* * *

"You know Carver's kind of irritated at you, don't you?"

"I think irritated is an understatement. I'm just not looking forward to what the captain's going to have to say tomorrow."  
"I don't think he'll say anything."

"I wouldn't be too sure of that if I were you. Thanks to me, this guy isn't going to get a needle in his arm."  
Silence. They're doing paperwork, because they're behind, yet again, and Alex can't help but notice that her partner seems somewhat agitated. She waits, and he speaks again.

"I don't get it," he says. "How can someone possibly become so lonely that they would resort to what Tagman did, even if only for a few hours of companionship?"  
"Because loneliness can drive even the best of us to things we'd never even dreamed of doing before," Alex replies, and is startled by how much she sounds like him in this statement.

"But why?" he asks. "It can't possibly be that hard to find…to find someone that wants to be with you, someone that loves you…"

"You'd be surprised," says Alex dryly. "Not everyone finds it as easy as you do."

Bobby stops in his tracks at this, because somewhere along the line, he'd gotten up and started pacing in the aisle beside their desks, because no one is there except for them.

"It's not easy for me," he says, without looking her in the eye. "To find someone to spend the rest of your life with…"

"Well," says Alex, "Life has the nasty little habit of throwing problems in the way, now doesn't it?"

* * *

She finds him on the balcony of his apartment, because somewhere along the line, he gave her a key, and so she's let herself in, because she hasn't heard from him since they split up after leaving the medical examiner's office.

"I warned her," he says, without turning around to look at her. "I told her, Nicole kills her lovers and she kills her young, and did she listen?"

"You know as well as I do that Nicole can be pretty convincing when she puts her mind to it," says Alex, and knows that this isn't going to help any. "This isn't your fault."

"Somehow it feels like it is. If we'd managed to convince her sooner…if we'd convicted Nicole earlier…none of this would have happened."

Alex silently curses Nicole Wallace at this point, because she has become used to her partner being like this after dealing with her, and the truth is, Nicole got to her, too, but she's better at deflecting the other woman than Bobby is.

She stands with him, then, and leans forward against the railing, because she can, and because looking down gives her somewhat of a thrill; she's always loved heights, and sees no reason why this should be hidden.

"Nicole," she says, "Has the knack for bringing the worst aspects of a person's life into the light, and you know what, Bobby?"

"What?"

"The way to make it go away is to think that none of it matters, because it doesn't; it's all in the past. And you know something else?"

He shakes his head at this point, and she bites her lip for a second before going on.

"I love you," she tells him, flatly, "And that's all you really need to worry about right now, got it?"

* * *

He thinks, as they finish the next case that he might have just found a so-called heaven on earth, and he also thinks that he rather likes it. Alex pops a few Skittles into her mouth and he watches her, and she notices.

"You want some?" she asks, and he nods, and she pours a few into his hand, because she figures that she can't very well keep them from him anymore, not after the revelation from the last case.

"You know, I find it almost hard to believe that there are some people out there that don't believe in heaven and hell," he says, and she looks over at him with raised eyebrows.

"Do you?" she asks.

"On some levels, yes," he says. "I'm not an atheist, by any means, but I suppose one could say that hell is a state of mind."  
"Yeah?" Alex asks, and eyes him intently for a long moment before speaking again. "Not counting Deakins assigning you to a desk and paperwork for a period of time not longer than and not shorter than one month, what would be hell to you?"  
Bobby hesitates for a moment at this question, and wonders what she'll have to say to the only answer that he can see as viable. After a moment, he sighs, and pops the rest of the Skittles into his mouth to avoid answering for another moment, and when they're gone, he replies.

"Not counting that, huh?" he says, and when she nods, he goes on. "Hell would be having to be here without you."

"Yeah, and why's that?" Alex asks, not at all mollified by this answer.

"Because…because I love you, too." He trails off and then, in an attempt to make things less awkward, "Happy now?"

She grins at him, and that's all the answer he needs.

* * *

"You know, sometimes, I wonder if we'll ever see the limits of how far someone's devotion can go."

"I doubt it. People are always coming up with new ideas to prove just how much they love someone."

"So if I asked you to kill someone for me, to prove that you loved me, would you do it?"

"No. But then, you'd never ask me to kill someone for you, because you're a cop, and so am. We live to uphold the law, not break it."

"Of course we do." Alex gives Bobby an amused look as she goes on. "That was a trick question, by the way."  
"Well, do I pass the test?" Bobby asked, in reply, and she nods.

"Yeah, you do," she says. "Besides, I don't need you to kill someone to prove you love me. You did that by getting Deakins to back off about the paperwork."  
"I think he's going to put me on a desk for that, you know."  
"I doubt it. He's probably laughing at you behind that office door, yet again."

Silence falls between the two partners for a moment and then Alex speaks again. "I find it slightly more disturbing that people can willingly kill homeless people, knowing that most of them don't really have a way to defend themselves."

"Easy targets," says Bobby. "They were counting on the fact that no one would notice that those people were missing or dead. But someone always notices."  
"Even if it takes years, someone always notices," says Alex, and shakes her head. "Sometimes I wish this city was better about keeping track of people."  
"The only people they're good at keeping track of are cops, firefighters, and other people that work for the city," says Bobby. "Oh, and the mayor, but that's probably only because we wouldn't fare too well if the mayor disappeared."  
"I get the feeling that not everyone would particularly care, but there you have it," says Alex, and shakes her head. "At least they have people still willing to make sure justice is served."

* * *

"Step into 'em, hard," says Deakins, and so they do, launching a search into the home of people who were seen at the gas station the family had been at before their car had exploded. The search turns up nothing, but their captain makes the comment that they had to go all the way with it, and then says nothing more.

When it's over and done with, and they've discovered what's really going on, and have no more say in anything that happens, he wanders off and she follows.

"The only one who made it, and odds are, he's going to go back to that home, with that father, who's gonna control his every move and never let him have the childhood he really deserves," he says, and she knows what he means.

"You did good, getting that other lawyer involved," she says. "The other odds are that his grandmother will get custody, and he'll go to someone who loves him."  
"But his siblings are still dead, and his mother's been committed," Bobby points out, "He's going to live with the fact that his mother tried to kill them all. That…it can't possibly be good."  
"There's always therapy," Alex remarks, quietly. "You know we can't do any more than we already have, as much as we'd like to."

Bobby looks away, frowning slightly. "Yeah, I know," he says. "And that's what kills me, because it shouldn't have happened that way."

"Another case of isolation and loneliness," she says, and he is reminded of an earlier case.

"But this time it drove her to harm herself and her family…not other people," he says quietly. "What kind of person does that make her? To the eyes of the public, what kind of mother does that make her?"

Alex shakes her head, and grabs his hand, lacing her fingers through his as they leave the courthouse.

"It doesn't matter what the public sees, it matters what we see," she says, and he looks at her.

"What did you see?" he asks. "When we talked to her, what did you see?"  
Alex looks him in the eye for a long moment and then sighs as she answers while they walk.

"I saw someone who wanted better than the life she had…someone who wanted better for her children, and so she took the only way she thought she could."

* * *

"Comics," says Alex, shaking her head after Deakins goes away. "Of all things, comics. Who'd have thought?"  
"That the captain might have once upon a time read them? Not so hard to believe," says Bobby. "It is kind of…odd to think about, though."  
Alex snickers. "Silver Surfer," she says. "I swear, either his kids read 'em or someone else has been dipping into the Fantastic Four." 

"Did you ever read 'em?" Bobby asks, and Alex nods.

"Yeah, I did. I had brothers. There was no reason for me not to. Of course, there was that point in time where I only wanted to read books wit horses in them, but there you have it."  
"And then there are the more odd things, other than comics, such as smelling electricity," Bobby comments, and Alex rolls her eyes.

"Well, I thought I could smell moonbeams," she remarks. "I guess it's just something that happens when you're pregnant."

"I suppose I'll never be able to experience it myself, then," Bobby says dryly, and then, "Moonbeams, huh? What'd they smell like to you?"

"You," she says, and at the stunned look on his face, "What? It's not as if they really have a smell, you know."

"Yeah…yeah, I know," he says, still somewhat startled by this admission, but he decides to leave well enough alone. "I'd have thought it'd have been coffee, since you couldn't have it."

'Well, yeah, but you could."

* * *

"My mother always said 'Be happy you're not a genius'. It makes for a lonely life," she remarks, again, after the case is over, and he gives her a sideways look.

"Is that supposed to tell me something?" he asks, and she shakes her head.

"No, not in particular, but I can see where she was coming from," she replies. "You know, the theory that if you're too involved with your work, you're too busy to get involved with anyone else."

"But what if you work with that 'anyone else'?" he asks, and she smirks at him.

"Then the point is moot, isn't it?" she asks, and when he nods, she goes on. "Besides, that particular statement has nothing to do with you anyway."

"I'm not sure how I'm supposed to take that, so I don't think I will," he says, and looks down at his paperwork. "Why do I get the feeling that half of this is yours?"

"Because it probably is," she says, completely unbothered by this. "I don't get it, though. What could drive a person, even a genius, to get so caught up in what they were doing that they get to the point of murder?"

He shrugs. "Couldn't tell you," he says, and she gives him a mock surprised look.

"For once, you don't have an answer," she says, half seriously, and he ignores this and goes on again.

"Well, I can tell you why I haven't been driven to it yet."

"Yeah? Why's that?"

"Because I work with you."

* * *

"Why," she says, "Do some people continue to insist on using 'God made me do it' as an excuse?"

"Because they can't think of anything else, and an insanity plea is what they consider the best way to go," he says, and she rolls her eyes.

"Well, yeah, but do they really, honestly, believe God's going to tell them to murder someone?"

"It depends on the person."

At this point, Alex gives her partner a look and shakes her head, smirking. "Then the other half of the people we come across that use that excuse are really wanting to tell us that the devil made them do it."

"It's a more likely theory."

"We're not talking theories, Bobby, we're talking about ways to get an insanity plea to avoid jail time."  
"Well, she didn't avoid jail time. Carver pled her out. Either way, she's going to pay for what she's done."

"But it doesn't change the fact that she tried to use God as an excuse."

"Why does it bother you so much?"

At this, Alex pauses, and then after a moment of silence, she goes on. "Because when I think of God I don't want to think of someone who has no problem telling someone to murder someone else," she says. "Someone who wants the best for everyone, no matter what. That's why."

Bobby mulls it over for a moment, and then nods. "Thinking of it that way," he says, "I guess it'd bother me, too."  
Alex shakes her head at him, almost amused. "And you call yourself lapsed."

* * *

He reads to her from an internet page, and she rolls her eyes because she has the feeling he's only getting back at her for telling someone he was 'a little ADD' earlier on.

"You know, if we weren't in the squad room, I'd smack you," she remarks, and he looks up, smirking.

"Well, this is something we need to know," he says. "It is going on in the city, after all."

"If this is you trying to get back at me for calling you ADD, we're going to have an issue," she says, and he shakes his head.

"It's not," he says. "Just thought you might want to know."

"About the fact that the department is getting sued yet again? I think not," Alex says dryly. "Why would we want to know about that?"

Bobby shrugs. "Well, we could always go find a quiet corner and play chess," he remarks, and she kicks his foot under the desk, shaking her head at him.

"You're not funny," she tells him. "I've had about enough of chess for a lifetime right now."  
"Me too, oddly enough," he says, and she gives him a mock-startled look.

"Don't tell me you were in the chess club in high school," she says, and he shakes his head.

"Nah. I did…other things in high school."

But he says nothing more, and they leave it at that and go back to the paperwork that always seems to need to be done.

* * *

"You're such a kid," she chides, after they finally leave the old toy store, and he looks over at her, amused.

"If we had no sense of humor, we'd never make it in this job," he remarks. "Suppose you could say we should take the chance for a bit of fun while we have it."

"Thought you were gonna give the poor guy a heart attack, aiming that thing everywhere, honestly." Alex trails off and shakes her head. "I'm just lucky I didn't give you any Skittles this morning."

"Well, now that we're out of there, I'm sure it's safe for you to let me have a few," he says, and she rolls her eyes, producing a bright green package and pouring a few into his hand.

"They're sour," she warns, but he pops them into his mouth anyway, and she can't help but laugh at his expression. "Told you."

"They're good, anyway," he says, and then, "So, where to next?"

Alex shakes her head at him. "Back to the squad room for now, I think," she says, and takes him by the shoulder, propelling him towards the car. "No more toy stores for you today."


	8. Chapter 8

* * *

"…another ten years on Staten Island," says Logan, and Bobby glances over at him for a moment, saying nothing, and then suddenly, there's Alex, and he's being pulled aside, and she looks furious.

"You idiot," she says, more out of fear than anger. "What the hell were you thinking, going in here?"

"That we were going to end this once and for all," he says, and doesn't admit that in there, he was about as scared as she looks now.

She swats at him, and catches him in the shoulder, like she always does. "You're not funny," she tells him, "You could have been killed, and then what? D'you really expect me to work with some kind of temporary partner until they find someone to take your place?" She trails off and scowls. "Screw that. No one could take your place, damn it, and you better damn well know it."

"Well, I do now," he says, and she swats at him again, before moving forward and hugging him, tightly, ignoring Carver and Logan and all the other cops around, because she doesn't care.

"You ever pull a stunt like this again and I'll kill you myself," she says, "And then I'll bring you back and let Deakins have at you."

"I think you've officially managed to scare me," he says, and she glares up at him.

"You're still not funny."

* * *

"I am never going to understand how the hell people can actually do such a thing," she remarks, shaking her head. "I mean, yeah, it's their decision, but it's just so…"

"For lack of a better word, tasteless, and if you want to go further down that line, disgusting," he replies, and she nods.

"Exactly. That's just one thing that's not meant for anywhere other than the privacy of your own home or a hotel room or something…not in some club, you know?"

And he nods, because he does, and because what she's saying is making perfect sense to him.

"You know, sometimes, I really wonder if people actually know what the consequences of their actions will be, if they think about what they're doing before they do it."

"If they didn't, there wouldn't be a charge for premeditated murder, Bobby," says Alex, and he sighs.

"I suppose you're right," he says, and then, "But I still don't get it. How something like this little club can lead to an auction that leads to murder."

"She didn't want her daughter to know. Didn't want to ruin the image she'd given her only child," says Alex. "Doesn't make it right, but it does give a reason."

"If she'd never gotten involved in the first place, none of this would have happened."

"True, but not everyone looks at the causes and effects like we do."

* * *

"You know, I didn't really need to know how long it would take to grind a human body, never mind how long it would take to dress the resulting meat," she remarks, as they watch Tommy Onorato being led off, and he gives her a sideways look.

"Sorry," he says. "I didn't think about it. Figured it was relevant to the case, you might want to hear it."

"And once again, the human encyclopedia speaks," says Alex, with that partner's affection that has turned into much more than that. "I'm just glad that this whole thing is over."

"To think, this whole thing started because of a marriage and a second restaurant."  
"Most fathers are reluctant to give their daughters away in the first place. Not everyone takes it to such extremes."

Silence, and they leave the restaurant's kitchen. "At least we know he won't hurt anyone else to get what he wants."

"Well, yeah, but two people are already dead because he wanted what he wanted, so that point is kind of moot."

A pause, and then he speaks again. "The day is over, the case is closed, and paperwork can wait, but I'm thinking I'd rather cook at my place than go somewhere. What say you?"

"I couldn't agree more."

* * *

"…tired of sentences that start with maybe…" she says, mimicking their commander after they leave his office, and he shakes his head at her.

"You'd better hope he doesn't hear you," he says, and Alex rolls her eyes.

"Maybe is all we've got right now," she says, crossly, "What does he think we're gonna tell him?"  
"That we have definite answers, conclusive evidence and a way to close the case," Bobby replies, mock-seriously and Alex shakes her head at him.

"In a perfect world," she says. "He's just irritated because he hasn't talked to his wife all day."

"What makes you so sure about that?" Bobby asks, and Alex shrugs as they sit down at their desks.

"The fact that the entire squad is well aware of the fact that he talks to her at least once a day while he's stuck here, and as far as any of us know, he hasn't, which, by default, is the one reason why he's annoyed with everyone."  
"I'd be annoyed, too," says Bobby, and Alex looks over at him with raised eyebrows, before smirking.

"Yeah, well, you're lucky. You sit right across from your significant other, so if you're irritated, it's your own fault."

* * *

"You know, I'm starting to think he's as much of a walking encyclopedia as you are," Alex remarks. "You both seem to have random knowledge about random things."

"When you've been a cop for as long as he's been one, you learn things," says Bobby, "I just read."

"Well, yeah, but you've also been all over the world," Alex points out. "I've been a cop for a while, and I've never heard of a shibboleth."

"Now you have," says Bobby. "You learn something new every day in this job. That's one of the best parts about it."  
"And the worst parts are telling people they've lost someone, sitting in interrogation rooms with people you'd like to smack, only you can't, because you'll be hit with a police brutality suit…" Alex trails off and shakes her head. "I ought to start listening to you two more often, honestly."  
"You don't really have a choice but to listen to me; we work together," Bobby points out. "Sure, you can ignore me, but why would you do that?"  
"Because you know too much, and apparently, so does our dear commander," Alex says dryly. Bobby rolls his eyes.

"At least you can say you learned something new today," he says. "How many people get to say that about their jobs?"

"Every cop in the department," Alex replies. "Hand me a pen, mine just ran out."

* * *

"Why is it that nervous habits are usually what gives people away?" she asks, and he looks up from what he's doing.

"Because they do it when they're nervous or when they're hiding something," he replies. "It makes them easier to break."

"You'd think they'd learn to control it if they were going to get involved in something like what we just closed," says Alex.

"It's not always easy," says Bobby. "Take Maureen's taking our stapler, and the egg cup from the Burnett home. She did it because she needed something to calm her down."

"Of course she did," says Alex, "But then, you'd think she'd have known better. Like we weren't going to notice that something was missing."  
"Like Rachel, for instance," Bobby remarks, and leans back slightly in his chair. "I can't believe they went to all that trouble to get into contact with her just to end up plotting to kill her."

"Why do you think gluttony is on the list of seven deadly sins?" Alex asks in reply, and he shakes his head.

"Because people want more than what they can have; they want more than others, and all it does is take from those who don't have enough as it is," he says.

"But you agree that it's not her fault," she says, more of a question than a statement, and he nods.

"She couldn't have known that that was what they were planning to do all along," he says. "If she had, she wouldn't have gotten involved with them."  
"And once again, someone innocent is caught in the crossfires," says Alex, and shakes her head. "Why does it always seem that it happens that way?"

Bobby mulls this over for a few minutes and then speaks again. "Because usually when someone gets hurt for a reason, someone innocent always ends up hurt, too."

* * *

"Some people think it's overrated, you know," she remarks, and he looks over at her and she goes on. "Beauty, I mean."

"Can't say that I don't agree with you," he replies. "Especially in this case. To think he only did this to punish them."

"There are easier ways to go about breaking up with someone," Alex says, almost disgustedly. "The problem with men is that they talk too much and they get jealous too easily."  
"Not every guy is like that," says Bobby, "True, there are those few, but for the most part…"

"The thing is that they really have no room for getting jealous, because usually, they're the ones screwing around," Alex mutters, and he gives her a sideways look.

"Some guys have a problem finding someone they can stay faithful to," he says, "Either that, or they're not looking for monogamy in the first place."

"And I suppose you lot think the same of women, then," says Alex, as they head on back towards their desks. He shakes his head.

"I think for women, it's easier. They're more likely to get emotionally attached."  
Alex rolls her eyes. "And what about you?"

"Me? Well, that's easy."  
"How so?"

"I've already found my someone."

* * *

"I find it sad that some people can be pushed to such a point of breaking that they think death is the only way out," he remarks, and she looks over at him as they sit on the balcony at his place.

"What I find sad is that by the time they get to that point, they're convinced that no one else can help them," she says. "There's got to be an answer for someone like that."

"There is," Bobby says mildly. "Friendship, companionship, someone to talk to, someone to whom they can pour out all their worries and not worry about being judged."

Alex sighs, and leans back, closing her eyes. "Being judged is one of those things that pushes people to that point, you know."

"I know. I'm also aware that if people never judged each other, this world would have never had that sort of problem, but we do, and that's the problem."

She opens one eye to look at him. "Can you honestly say that you've never judged anyone?" she asks, and he shakes his head.

"No, I can't, nor can I say that I've never been judged by someone," he replies. "But then, I doubt you can, either."  
She shakes her head at him. "And here I was thinking that you were convinced I was perfect."

"Nobody's perfect," he says, "But you do come close."

"That's nice to know," says Alex, amused. "As for the companionship thing, I don't think either of us have to worry about that."

"Not yet, anyway."

* * *

"Have you ever wondered how much of a mask actors and actresses actually put on?" he asks, and she looks over at him.

"Well, yeah," she says. "There's no way they're that perfect in real life. The rest of us would all want to crawl into a hole and die if they were. There'd be no reason to live."

"There's always a reason to live," he tells her, and goes on. "I find it amazing sometimes that people can put on such a mask that no one notices that something's off until it's too late."

"That's the point. Actors and actresses aren't the only ones that put on masks. What do you think the hierarchy does every time a high profile case breaks?"

Bobby laughs. "The only reason they do that is so no one will hear the rest of us complaining about how far down our necks they are," he says. "But that's not what I'm talking about. I meant the case."

"I know what you meant," says Alex. "And I think that what this guy needed was a good kick in the pants. His girlfriend died because he wanted a role. How stupid is that? He lost the love of his life for what, ten seconds on film?"  
"Hardly seems worth it," says Bobby, and she shakes her head at him.

"It's not worth it at all. I wouldn't give you up for ten seconds on film. I can barely handle being on the six o'clock news as it is."

Silence. They know that if they look at each other, they'll laugh, and so they avoid each other's gazes until Deakins comes out of the office.

"What are you two still doing here?" he asks, and Alex looks up and over at him, still avoiding looking towards her partner.

"Paperwork," she says, and he gives a derisive snort.

"Likely story," he tells her. "Go home. I don't want to see either of you before morning."

And with that, he leaves the squad room. Bobby looks at Alex at this point, and they both laugh.

"Well, you heard him. We're supposed to go home," says Alex, and grabs the keys before he can get to them. They get up, and reach for their coats and then head out after their commander. He gives her a sideways look.

"Your place or mine?"

* * *

After Deakins retreats back into the office, they exchange glances, and he nods towards the squad room exit, where they've just watched a former Chief of Detectives being taken away, and she nods back, so they leave.

"From greatest street cop who never made commissioner to a guy about to be nailed for murder," says Alex, shaking her head. "To think that's the guy the city considers a hero."

"They won't after the six o'clock news," Bobby replies. "It'll be all over the precincts before them. Something like this doesn't stay quiet for long."  
"Of course not," says Alex. "Every one of us is secretly waiting for one of the hierarchy to fall flat on their faces, and lo and behold, it happens right in our squad room."

"Ex-hierarchy, though, but still the same, I guess," says Bobby, and Alex nods.

"Yeah, it's still the same. Guy's got access to department records, everything. Who'd have thought he'd fall so far?"

"Who'd have thought that he'd fall at all? Given the reputation he had before all of this took place…the city's going to be reeling even if the department isn't."

"The department's gonna take a harder hit. This guy rose through the ranks from freaking Coney Island to being the Chief of D's. First name terms with every commander in the city, friends with the uniforms…that sort of thing. Guys like that aren't supposed to fall."

"But the higher up they are, the harder they fall. Most people already know that."

"Yeah, and some people just forget. Apparently, Adair was one of them. He must've known it was gonna come back to bite him."

"Well, sure he knew, but the question is whether or not he actually cared that it'd come back."

"He had to have cared. You saw his face when he found out his wife knew everything. Bet you ten to one he didn't think the captain would tell anything."  
"Then he's an idiot for thinking that the captain would lie about anything. Or that he'd take the bribe that wasn't really a bribe."

"Any way you look at it, Bobby, it's a bribe, but he's better than that, and he knows it, and so do you and I."

Silence. Politics aren't a favorite for either one of them, and neither is the department hierarchy and here they are with a case that's dealt with both and has just been broken.

"You know, it's hard for cops like that to lose trust in someone they think they know," Bobby remarks finally, and Alex nods.

"Tell me about it."

* * *

"There's no denying that there are flaws in the system," she tells him and he nods, because he knows it.

"That's the problem," he says. "We're standing here and most of us just have so much faith in the justice system, and it feels like it always fails us."

"But it doesn't always fail. It's meant to safeguard us, to make sure that kids aren't going to people who will hurt them or can't handle them…"

"And yet there are the cases that slip through the cracks and end up getting sent over here because the hierarchy wants to send a message or over to Special Victims, because no one else can stomach it."

Alex is silent after this, because she knows her partner has a point. They have lost two judges, and various family members of these judges, because someone felt the system had failed them.

"Suppose you think that the burden falls on our shoulders, then," she says, more of a question than a statement and he shakes his head.

"We're not the only part of the system. The prosecutors, the defense attorneys, the judges…ACS…everyone. And yet it feels like even with all of us together, someone always slips through."  
"It wasn't made to be perfect, Bobby, it was made to help."  
"But how can it help if things like this happen? If it's not foolproof?"

Again, she falls silent, because there isn't really an answer to this, and she knows this, too. Finally, something comes to mind and she speaks.

"Because it makes sure that at the end of the day, we really do catch the bad guys, whether they like it or not."


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Wow it's been a long time since I last updated...Sorry, guys. Life gets in the way. Anyway, here's season five. **

* * *

"You haven't taken anything from her," she tells him, and he looks over at her.

"You heard that, huh?"  
She nods. "Yeah, I heard it. And it's crap. She knew what she was getting into, and she knows she's too dangerous. You took nothing. She gave it all up."  
His partner's logic in this matter makes him want to laugh, but somehow, he can't, and he sighs and shakes his head.

"There's something about her that makes everyone around her feel like they've done something wrong, even when they know they haven't," he says, and she shakes her head at him.

"That's crap," she says again. "We did our jobs, Bobby. We solved a murder, and so what if she took off? You know she'll be back, and maybe then, we'll nail her."  
He knows that she's trying to make him feel better, and it almost works. Almost, because Nicole has once again gotten away, but Alex is right. Odds are that she will return.

And suddenly, he's not in the mood to be in the squad room anymore. "You want to go for coffee?"

She grins at him and grabs her coat. "Have I told you how much I love you lately?"

* * *

"Ha…Staten Island syndrome…" Alex trails off and shakes her head. "Wonder if Logan's heard that one?"

"Probably," says Bobby, amused by the way his partner seems to find their commander's comment so funny. "I wouldn't be surprised."  
"Think we should test that theory?"  
"Probably not."  
She shakes her head at him, a mock exasperated look crossing her face. "You're no fun sometimes."

"Why would anyone hire someone to kill the person they married, though?" he asks, and misses the brief pained look that crosses her face at the mention of a spouse being killed. She sighs and sits at her desk.

"I don't know," she says. "All I do know is that I could never bring myself to do it. I'd get a divorce first."  
"So would I."  
"Well, look at that. Something else we have in common." Alex trails off and plays with the Skittles she's accidentally spilled onto her desk. "A prison warden, though. Who'd have thought?"  
"Sometimes the most straight-laced people are the ones who go the wrong way," says Bobby, and Alex nods.

"Tell me about it."

* * *

"Alex Eames says he's a big phony," she says, annoyed, and Bobby bites back the desire to laugh.

"Please don't start referring to yourself in the third person," he says, when they leave the office. "It's a lot more annoying coming from people you know."  
She looks at him with raised eyebrows. "So I'm annoying now?" she asks, mock-seriously, but Bobby shakes his head, quickly.

"No, I'm just saying, it's a bit weird hearing you refer to yourself that way," he says, and Alex laughs.

"This case is just weird all over. A murdered nun, a guy who refers to himself in the first person, obsessively searching medical databases…I mean, who does that?"  
"Believe it or not," Bobby starts, but Alex cuts him off.  
"Goren, if you tell me you do those things, I will be forced to shoot you," she says, but he shakes his head.

"I don't," he tells her. "I just wanted to know what you would say."  
"You're too curious about things sometimes."  
"How else do you think I get the job done?"  
"I don't think I want to know." Amused, she looks over at him and sighs. "So, where are we going next?"

He leaves to handle the issues with his mother, because this judge is relentless in his pursuit of the squad, and he's trying to hit where he knows it will hurt.

And when he comes back to the squad room, she is waiting for him, silently, with a hot cup of coffee in hand.

* * *

"Here," she says, "This is for you, and Deakins says to tell you that you're not supposed to be here."  
Bobby looks towards the office. The lights are off. "Well, where did he go?"  
"Home, which is why I've been reduced to messenger girl," says Alex, sounding annoyed. "Don't get used to it."  
But she passes along messages all the time, and Bobby doesn't really care, and the truth is, the two of them do need the sleep, so he follows her out of the squad room and she gives him a sideways look.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asks, and he shakes his head.

"Not really," he admits. "I just…can't understand what would move him to go after her; she doesn't know anything about this."  
"He's just trying to piss people off, and it's working," says Alex, indignant on her partner's behalf. "Don't worry about it. We'll find a way to get him the hell out of our business."  
He offers up a half-hearted smile. "Well, I certainly hope so."

* * *

They make her read the letter on the stand, and she silently curses them as she does it, because she knows he's watching. Carver comes along afterwards to make amends, but all it does is make her wonder if it's really going to work. If the jury is really going to take this attempt to discredit her partner and run or if they'll see through it.

Later, she corners him about the comment he made about being an acquired taste, and he shrugs.

"It isn't a big deal," he tells her. "I am one. I'm just…lucky you didn't leave while you had the chance."  
It goes unsaid that she still has a chance to walk away from him, and it also goes unsaid that she will not walk away from him, because she has invested too much in this partnership, and damned if she'll lose him to the department, too.

"I'm lucky I had some sense knocked into me, figuratively speaking," she tells him. "You're a good cop, Bobby, and I would trust you would my life."  
"Well, that's good," he says, in an attempt to lighten this gloomy mood they're in. "I would trust you with mine, too."

* * *

"Do I want to know?" she asks, later on, because she knows that he's about to laugh at the comment their CO made earlier, even though it's not really funny.

"Birth control," he mutters, shaking his head in reply. "You know, I wouldn't really be surprised if it worked, though."

"Somehow, I don't want to think about it," Alex tells him. "You would think the Pill would be enough."

"Apparently not." Bobby trails off, and after a few moments of mulling things over goes on. "Why is it that people seem to think that things that hurt can help?"

"Because they figure if it hurts one time and they do it again, maybe they didn't learn the lesson well enough the first time," says Alex. "I can hear you thinking. Cut it out."

But he can't, and she knows it, and so she leaves it alone, for a moment. "You know, I don't really see the point, either."

"Neither do I. You would think she'd see the signs that something was going on, but apparently she didn't."

"So…how d'you propose we go about catching her in her own game, then?"

* * *

"One lesson he should have skipped," she says, and he nods.

They're sitting at her place, side by side, because he didn't feel like going to his place alone, and she didn't particularly feel like being alone, either, so the department, if they find out, can deal with it.

"It figures she'd turn on him," Bobby says finally, of Nicole. "That she'd realize she'd been replaced and take matters into her own hands."

"I wish we'd have been able to nail her," Alex mutters. "All these times she's slipped through our fingers, and then she's right there, and we didn't notice."

"It's not exactly rare for people to disguise themselves."

"She's got a pair of brass ones, then, if she managed to pull that off." Alex trails off and shakes her head. "You all right?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

She shrugs. "I don't know. Maybe because it's gotta be the fifth time we've let her slip through our fingers now?"

"I don't think it matters, really. Sooner or later, she's going to slip and she's going to get caught. All of them do."

Alex casts a sideways look in her partner's direction. "You're awfully optimistic today."

And without warning, he reaches out and hugs her. "She could have decided that she wanted you instead of him," he says, quietly. "It's an awful thing to say, considering someone's dead, but I'm glad she didn't."

* * *

"You're awful, you know that?" he says, and she rolls her eyes.

"What?" she asks in reply. "You can't tell me you didn't have the same thought I did."

"Well, sure, but come on. Right there at the crime scene? You could have waited."

"Bobby, when the opportunity for a remark presents itself, you don't wait until later."

"You wouldn't have said it in front of Deakins."

"Sure I would have. And he'd have laughed, too."

She has a point, and he knows it, so he drops that part of the conversation and shakes his head.

"He died with his freak on," he says, parroting her earlier remark. "What is that, anyway?"

"The truth," says Alex, with a perfectly straight face. "Why else would he have been wearing that?"

Later when she knows what a particular term means, he stares at her behind her back, because he knows she was in Vice before Major Case, but it's still one of those things he'd have never expected.

"Don't give me that look," she says. "Just because I'm not as book smart as you doesn't mean I'm not more street smart."

He grins at her. "I know."

She rolls her eyes. "Well, you just know everything, don't you?"

But she's smirking when she says this, and so he ignores her, and she throws a paper clip at him.

* * *

"There really isn't any such thing," she says, bluntly, and he knows exactly what she's getting at.

"I don't think there is, either."

"Good, because I don't think I could deal with you if you thought that."

He knows exactly how she means this, and decides to ignore the comment, because if he thinks about it, he'll find himself thinking too hard, and it isn't what he wants.

"They could've run the tests, sure, but I mean, come on," she says. "Letting your own child know that you're suing a doctor because she was born? What is that?"

It is the world, and their wants for money, mention and more, he thinks, but says nothing about it, because he doubts that's the answer she's looking for.

"Would you ever do that?" she asks. "And I know you can't get pregnant, Bobby, so don't give me that excuse. Just think about it."  
He does, and shakes his head. "No," he says. "I wouldn't be able to. Even if things turned out in a way they weren't supposed to."

"Nothing ever turns out in a way it's supposed to; something always goes wrong," says Alex, flatly. "That's just the way life is."

"I know it is. But answer me this. If you had known, would you have had the child?"

She bites the inside of her cheek at this, because she doesn't know and she knows that he knows this, and doesn't particularly want to talk about it, so she turns away.

He disappears for a minute, and when he comes back, he's holding a cup of coffee for her, because he knows the subject is closed.

* * *

He knows what it is like to go so far into someone else's mind that it's not the easiest thing in the world to get out again. But the difference between this latest perp and him is that he goes into people's minds to find out what they're thinking and why; this perp goes in to become this person.

But he rather likes being himself, and dislikes staying in anyone else's head for too long, and so he throws a paper clip at her to get her attention, and she rolls her eyes.

"You know, you could throw other things at me," she says. "Like Skittles."

He moves to get to his feet. "If you want Skittles, I'll go and get them," he says, but she shakes her head and pulls open her desk drawer, drawing out one of those big bags that he knows she probably got from the corner store when she disappeared earlier.

"Got 'em," she says. "Now what do you want?"

He doesn't know. But he isn't exactly surprised by it, either, because this one has been a bit hard to swallow.

"You know, it seems almost strange that some people can go so far into someone else that they don't always know how to become themselves again."

"Oh, for the love of heaven, Bobby…" Alex trails off, looking exasperated for a moment, but then she continues. "There's always a way for someone to come out again."

"Then why doesn't everyone find that way and use it?"

"Because not everyone's as focused as you, that's why," says Alex, but there's a note of something other than exasperation that he doesn't miss.

"Not everyone has someone else to pull them back out again," he says, and she pushes at his foot under the desk.

"Quit worrying," she tells him. "I'm not going anywhere."

* * *

"People take too much chance with their lives, and that's their problem," says Bobby, "They don't ever stop to think what the consequences might be."

"Of course they don't," says Alex. "It's all about how much they can get, when they can get it, and how."

"And people wonder why gambling is considered a vice. Look at this. Two men dead because of one guy, and a kid that had no idea he'd been getting played."

"At least we managed to stop it before it got too far."

"Yeah, but the damage has already been done, once again, because people care more about what they can get than they do about each other."

That's the problem with life in general, says Alex, but doesn't mention it, because it doesn't seem like the right thing to say.

"So, what are you going to do about it?" she asks, then. "People are going to do what they're going to do, Bobby. There's nothing we can really do."

"Could always keep them from breaking the law."

"Not really. They're going to do it anyway. We just take 'em off the streets." She trails off, and then shakes her head. "This scares you, doesn't it?"

He has forgotten for a brief moment that she knows about his brother's issues, because it all came out a while back, and he sighs.

"I don't want the next body to be him," he says. "I don't want to have to go into a morgue and identify my own brother."

"You won't," says Alex, and he gives her a sideways look.

"But then again, neither of us really know that, now, do we?"

* * *

The email gets them nowhere. It tells them that something was planted, and that someone's setting someone up, and they already know Internal Affairs is sweeping through.

But they didn't know why until now. And they don't blame Logan, because he had no way of knowing what was really going on that night, and they can't blame themselves, because they know they haven't done anything, but they can blame a figure upstate that they nailed one year ago.

"I can't believe this," she mutters, annoyed. "Who does he think he is, anyway, sweeping through and trying to pull the rug out from under the lot of us?"

"Someone who can get away with it, because no one's going to believe that he had anything to do with it," he replies. "We've done what we can."

She gives him an amused look. "He's gonna figure out how we got that email sooner or later."

"Well, here's to hoping it's after this blows over," he says, and then, "Let me see that file?"

She hands it to him. And later, when it's all over and done with and they've gotten various confessions out of the ones they are after, in a church, of all places, they're faced with something else.

"It's not what he wants," she says, and he nods.

"I know it." he says.

But they also know that their captain will never actually admit to this.

And when they look towards the office, they can see him looking back at them, and on the glass before him, the words 'Commanding Officer'.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Wow. Haven't updated this in a while. I still own nothing, and this follows Goren and Eames from Blind Spot to Endgame, if you care to know. **

* * *

The house is somehow bigger than she remembers it being.

"You sure this is the right place?" she asks, turning to look at her partner, who is standing right behind her, as he has been ever since she was found a couple of days ago, and sure enough, Bobby nods.

"Yeah, it's the right place," he says, and then, "You know, if you want me to take you to your parents' instead…"

But Alex shakes her head. "Nah," she says, trying and failing to sound like she doesn't really care about being here alone. "It's fine, I'll just stay here."

"Are you sure?" Bobby asks, just like she figured he would, and she nods.

"Yeah, I'm sure," she says, and then, wryly, "Wouldn't do to tell the shrink I'm staying at my parents' place because I'm afraid of my own, would it?"

He doesn't know whether to laugh at this or not, and so he settles with just looking at her, and after a moment, she turns and leans against him, hiding her face in the fabric of his shirt.

"Stay with me?" she asks, and he nods, even though he knows that she can't see him.

Somehow, knowing he's there is enough for her.

* * *

Things are back to normal, but they aren't. Ross gives her some line about returning to duty and is she sure that she's ready, and she tells him that all she needs is to do her job.

Apparently, things have changed more than she thought they did.

"You never told me your mother had cancer," she remarks, on the way back to the city, and Bobby glances at her, a slightly guilty look crossing his face so quickly that she doubts it was even there later on.

"Didn't want to burden you," he says, clearly enough that she understands him, but quietly enough that she can barely hear him. She sighs.

"You're not a burden," she tells him. "That wouldn't have been, either."

At least they're talking, Alex thinks, then. It was better than Thanksgiving where all he could do was tell her to back off and then walk away. She wants to push him for more information, to know what it is that he's feeling, but she knows better.

"If I were to tell you at some point that I didn't know what I was going to do about something, would you laugh?" he asks, after a moment.

She looks at him as if she wants to, but doesn't. "No," she replies, and means it. "I wouldn't. Why?"

Bobby gives her a sideways look and sighs. "Because I'm not sure what I'm going to do about it," he says.

For some reason, though she doesn't laugh, the admission renders her speechless.

* * *

"Do you consider yourself one of those people who thrives under pressure?" he asks, the day after they've closed the Copeland case, and she looks up at him, startled.

"Yes," she replied, after a few seconds, and nods towards the office. "There's pressure in a nutshell."

At this, Bobby has to bite back the desire to laugh, but manages to do so and hands her the cup of coffee he's holding.

"That's not exactly what I meant," he remarks, and Alex smirks.

"I know it," she says, and then, "But I still think I could. Mind, I wouldn't be causing the chaos resulting in the pressure, but I could do it."

"Sometimes I think that's a good trait for cops to have."

"Yeah, you're probably right. If we couldn't thrive, we couldn't be here. But I couldn't see killing you just to end up with someone else."

"I hope not."

Alex rolls her eyes and pushes at his feet under the desk. "Of course not," she says, and they leave it at that.

* * *

"Why would you confess to something that you hadn't even done?"

"Because you have nothing better to do."

To any outsider, it would seem as if the question had come out of nowhere, but both Alex and Bobby know better, because the Harner case is closed now, and so they can talk. Things have been somewhat awkward between the two of them lately, but not enough that they don't know how to work a case together….and manage to present some front of normalcy.

"It doesn't make sense," said Bobby. "Most people want to stay _out_ of trouble, so why would he confess to something that he hadn't even done if he knows that all it's going to do is get him in trouble?"

"Maybe he was just looking for the attention," Alex remarks. "Lot of people do that nowadays. It's an easy way to have everyone's eyes on you. Fifteen minutes of fame, y'know?"

Bobby shakes his head. "Fifteen minutes of fame," he repeats, and then, "You know, there are better ways to get famous."

"Or infamous," Alex says, wryly. "You could always partner off with someone who no one can deal with and see your solve rate skyrocket."

The comment is sarcastic enough that it makes Bobby laugh, because he knows exactly what she means.

"True," he says, and then, "Could always have your face plastered across the news and newspapers for solving said case."

Alex rolls her eyes. "Don't remind me," she says, though there is an amused note in her voice that she doesn't miss. "Come on. I could use a drink."

* * *

"You don't care?" she demands, angrily, storming out of the squad room after him and following him down to the parking garage. "Is that all you can say? You don't care?"

He'd told her to back off earlier, but no more. If this is the line he's determined to take, then she is determined not to watch him fall, and so help her if he does and she can't stop it…

"If they think I'm so incapable of doing my job, then by all means," he replies, bluntly. "I'm not going to work for people who don't trust me!"

"Since when does their opinion matter? Screw them! Let them talk, Bobby, but for heaven's sake…" She trails off when she feels that familiar constriction in her throat that means she's _this_ close to crying, and then goes on any way, stubbornly. "_Talk_ to me."

"I can't."

"Why the hell not?"

"Because it's not that easy."

It never is, she thinks, bitterly, moments later, as she watches him leave. It never was, and it's never going to be, but ever since the shakeup at the end of the fifth year, it's gotten worse, and she doesn't know what to do anymore.

The letter she wrote to Deakins five years ago is still saved on her computer, which she knows, but until now, had no idea why it was there.

The words seem to float across the screen, but they won't go away until she hits the delete key. Before she can stop herself, she's changed the name of the commanding officer and the date.

After she realizes what she's done, she hits delete.

* * *

Sometimes she thinks that the weight of the world might be resting right there on her partner's shoulders.

Other times, she thinks it's on her own.

Thanksgiving came and went, and so did Christmas, and the two of them are on shakier ground than they were before, but neither one of them is willing to admit it.

The problem with this is that they still need to work together.

"You did good work back there," she remarks, as they drive back to the city. Bobby doesn't turn away from the window to look at her, but he replies.

"You know, I really hate having to do that," he says. "Split a family into two different sides just to get an answer."

"Isabel Harrington deserved justice."

"What exactly _is_ justice?"

"Finding truth and getting answers for an innocent victim who shouldn't have been hurt in the first place."

"But at what cost?"

And here, Alex hesitates, and because they are in a place where she can pull over, she does, and shuts the car off.

"I don't know," she replies, softly. "You tell me."

* * *

"If she stays in it, she must get something out of it."

"Yeah, but what?"

Maureen Pagolis spoke at Alex's graduation ceremony from the police academy, and now she finds herself investigating this woman whom much of New York City looks up to, along with a partner with whom she isn't sure where she stands.

"Security, maybe," Bobby remarks, thoughtfully, almost. "Knowing that no matter what, there'll be someone for her to come home to?"

Alex gives a derisive snort. "She could make it on her own if she wanted to," she says, and Bobby nods.

"I'm not denying that, I'm just saying that there's a reason why she stays," he replies. "Even if he's not there when she gets home at night, the idea is that at some point, he will be."

"Too bad someone wanted him dead, right?" Alex asks, half-sarcastically, and then, "You don't think…"

"Maybe," says Bobby, because he knows the story of her academy graduation and doesn't want to jump to conclusions. "We should take a look."

They do.

And at the end of it, when she's feeling disillusioned and doesn't want anything else to do with work at the moment, a cup of coffee and a bag of Skittles appear on her desk when she isn't looking.

* * *

"So that was your brother, huh?" she asks, and is careful to keep her voice neutral. Bobby gives her a sideways look and sighs.

"Yeah, that was him," he says, and then, "Wish I could have done more than I did. Somehow it never seems like enough."

Alex glances over at him. "You know, you can't save the world on your own," she remarks. A faint smile crosses his face at this.

"No harm in trying," he replies. "Wouldn't you say?"

She nods, and thinks back on the days when they used to not be so awkward with each other and the days when they used to think that they _could_ save the world, because it was them, and Deakins and Carver, and hey, they were the Major Case Squad. They could do anything.

They still are and they still can, but the lineup has changed, and along with it, everything else.

"Hey, y'know, if you wanna talk about it…" Alex starts, awkwardly, but Bobby shakes his head in that way he's got that isn't rude but isn't exactly inviting, either.

"I'd rather not, honestly," he says. "There are other things that need worrying about."

But later on, he gets called to the morgue, and there waiting is a body wearing his coat, from what he can tell by looking towards the lower half, where a tag is on the person's toe.

Pulling back the sheet, he swallows back his fears, and relief washes over him when he realizes that it isn't his brother.

It hits him then that he wishes she'd been there.

* * *

The silence says everything.

They haven't been together outside of work for a long while, and she really doubts it'll happen again anytime soon, but they're here and this is now, and it's all she can think about.

The case they've just finished was about silence, she muses, about how for some people, that was all there was. They were capable of living normal lives, of course, but they could not hear anything.

She, on the other hand, can. She can hear her partner thinking, and it's almost bothering her because she wants to know what's on his mind, but she knows that he won't tell her.

On the other side of things, he can hear her breathing.

He almost wishes that she would say something, because he wants to know what's on her mind, too, but at the same time, he knows that it goes both ways. He's half-tempted to think that maybe she's asleep, but he knows on some level that she's not.

Once upon a time, there had been a point where he didn't think that he'd ever worry about her and some other guy, but that point had disappeared two years ago. Now, it's not worry as much as it is some kind of jealousy, and he'd be lying if he said he wouldn't mind seeing that other cop around again.

But he's not going to tell her that.

So they lie there side by side in silence, until the phone rings, and because it's her place, she answers the call, tells Ross that she'll call her partner, hangs up and turns to look at him, breaking their silence.

"Hey. We've got another case."

* * *

In the fast-paced world that seems to be New York City, there is no time to slow down, because the minute you do, something else happens, and then you're a lot farther behind than you thought you were.

"Why is it that when people say 'discreet' nowadays, they usually mean right out there in the open?" she asks, as she thinks over her decision to become a cop, again, for what seems like the millionth time.

"Between video blogs and online journals, the world is only a click away," Bobby replies, absently. "Never mind the webcams and cell phone cameras. You can look in on anyone and anything at any time and usually, there's no way to stop it."

Alex shakes her head. "Don't tell me that," she says. "I get enough coverage on the news, last thing I need is to know someone can click on some link and watch me get dressed in the morning."

Bobby laughs. "I really don't think anyone would dare," he says. Alex smirks at him.

"You're right, they wouldn't," she says, and then, "Who'd have thought astronauts could get into this sort of thing, anyway?"

Bobby shrugs. "Everyone's capable of getting involved in one scandal or another, even if they haven't done anything wrong," he remarks. "It's just the way the world works."

Alex rolls her eyes. "Are you sure it's working?"

* * *

What he wants is a way out.

Not out of any situation, but rather out of his own mind. Sitting in the shadows at Carmel Ridge isn't doing him any good, and he knows that he should leave, but for some reason, he can't make himself do it.

The case got to him more than he thought it did, and maybe, just maybe, if he were one of those cops that didn't pay too much attention to detail, or at least, not any more attention that was needed, he wouldn't be here, now.

Stuck in his own thoughts, that is. Not at Carmel Ridge, because the truth is, he would have come regardless, because he _always_ comes, and would, still, if there was anything to do so for.

The nurses told him a while ago that visiting hours were over, but he still hasn't moved, and he knows that none of them are going to come and make him.

Even so, he can't help but want to.

When he feels the hand on his shoulder, he jumps, not having expected anyone to come in, and there is Alex, standing in the shadows cast by the fact that all the lights are off, and he didn't bother to turn any of them on.

She says nothing, instead, choosing to wait, because if there's one thing she's learned about her partner, it's that he'll move when he wants to, and not before.

To her surprise, though, when she reaches for his hand to draw him to his feet, he lets her, and follows quietly after her, through the abandoned halls, and outside.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Once again, I find myself slacking in updates. In any case, this follows Goren and Eames through their episodes in season seven. **

* * *

"I wanted to believe we'd been right."

The comment comes out of nowhere, in the middle of a semi-darkened squad room, where their desks sit facing each other. He doesn't look up, not because he wants to ignore her, but because guilt over going behind her back has finally settled over him, and he doesn't like it.

Even so, she continues.

"It was just easier that way," she tells him. "It was easier to believe that we'd gotten the right guy…there wasn't any reason for us to believe that we didn't."

Silence, broken only by the sound of a pen moving across paper, fills the squad room. He still doesn't look up, and doesn't answer her, either.

"Why is it that sometimes, the truth hurts worse than the lies?"

This time, he looks up, startled. The expression on her face is blank, but the look in her eyes is not.

"I'm…" he starts, but the apology dies on his lips before he can finish when she shakes her head.

"Don't be," she says, quietly. "I'm not."

* * *

"You're never going to tell me what it's too late for, are you?"

Being stuck in traffic with each other used to be fun, once upon a time. Now, it's just awkward. The radio is background noise, where before, it used to be an excuse for them to make an attempt at singing.

He's been sitting on this question for a few days now, ever since she first told him that it was too late. Something in him didn't really want to know the answer, but the part that does want to know has managed to push its way to the surface.

"It's too late to worry," she tells him. "I don't anymore."

Somehow, he knows exactly what she means. The strange thing about it is that it's too late for both of them, for different things.

He used to worry that she'd walk away. Now he knows that she stays because it's too late for her to leave.

"There used to be another reason why you stayed," he remarks, and she turns to look at him.

"I know."

They leave it at that, neither of them daring to say more than they already have.

* * *

Things seem relatively better, by the time they pick up the next case.

"Well, there's something we haven't seen before," Alex remarks, and there is a hint of her old sarcasm in her voice that hasn't been there for a while. "Who'd have thought?"

"Some people still believe in such things as treasure maps," says Bobby, without looking her in the eye. "Is it really so hard to believe?"

Alex casts an appraising look in his direction. "Do you?" she asks.

The question catches Bobby off guard, enough so that he stares at her for a long moment, trying to make sense of it.

When he does, he nods. "Sometimes," he admits. "It's…it's fun to think about every now and then."

She bites back a smile, amused by this, even though she's not really sure why. "That sounds like you," she says.

It won't occur to him until a few days later that he has no idea what that was supposed to mean.

* * *

He wants to laugh at the comment Ross makes about Alex having found a few things on a message board about bad bosses, but he doesn't.

She, on the other hand, kicks at his feet when Ross goes away. "You think it occurred to him that someone might have posted something about the way the squad is now?"

Bobby looks up from the paperwork he's supposed to be doing. "If someone did, it won't take him long to find out," he replies. "Why?"

Alex shrugs. "Just wondering," she says, and then, "Apparently, this publisher was one of the worst. The kind that can't ever be satisfied, y'know?"

And he does know, because they've come across the type many times before, in other cases they've worked.

"You ever wonder what would happen if you wrote a memoir of your own?" Bobby asks finally, and Alex laughs.

"I think there would be a lot of pissed off brass, a few pissed off former partners, and the off chance that someone might actually laugh at it," she replies. "What about you?"

He shakes his head. "I've never thought about it," he admits. "Somehow, I don't think anyone would really want to know about half of what I had to say."

* * *

"I know you're in there. Open the door."

This is not the first time that Alex finds herself standing outside her partner's apartment following a case, but it _is_ the first time that she finds herself more than just a little bit pissed off about it.

"Don't make me go fishing for my keys, Goren," she says, and before she can continue, the door opens and she's being yanked inside.

"What the _hell_ is wrong with you?" she demands. "Since when do you care what the brass have to say?"

"Six months," Bobby tells her, and that's all he needs to say. The words sink in slowly, and after a moment, Alex scowls.

"They can't _do_ that," she says furiously. "There's got to be…Ross didn't say anything?"

"What could he possibly say?" Bobby asks, half-sarcastically. "There isn't any going back now."

There is a double meaning to this, one that isn't lost on either of them.

Even so, neither of them bother to pick up where they leave off.

* * *

Six months and a few weeks later, she finds herself watching him sleep, and trying not to think about how close she came to losing him.

"I can hear you thinking," Bobby says, the sound of his voice making her jump. "Penny for your thoughts?"

Alex looks down at him (for once, she thinks, wryly). "I hated you," she admits. "For not telling me, for avoiding me…Six months is a really long time, y'know."

He has the grace to look somewhat guilty about this. "It wasn't you," he says, and realizes too late how stupid that sounds.

She laughs, hard.

It's been a while since she was able to do that, and after a whole, he laughs, too, because the whole thing is just so completely ridiculous and now that it's over, neither of them can help it.

Once they trail off, though, the expression on Alex's face goes completely serious. "I almost shot you," she says, her voice nearly inaudible as it all comes crashing down on her again.

Bobby reaches out towards her, tentatively, and pulls her closer. "But you didn't," he replies, just as quietly. "That's all that matters."

* * *

"Don't laugh."

"I'm not laughing."

"But you're going to. I know you're going to, and it's not funny."

At the same time, it is. The two of them have been avoiding each others' gazes all afternoon, just so they _won't_ start laughing, but the fact that something has finally gotten personal for Captain Ross is one of those things that they _want_ to laugh at, even though they know they shouldn't.

Bobby throws a paper clip at Alex, who sits across from him, smirking as she shakes her head.

"Oh, come on," she says. "Even you have to admit that it's kind of funny. Well, not really, but…you know what I mean, don't you?"

"Yes, I know what you mean," Bobby replies, without looking directly at her, "Though, I do have to say that it occurs to me that two years ago, this wouldn't happen."

"Of course it wouldn't have. Two years ago, we had a captain who was married."

A passing colleague overhears this and casts an amused look at the two of them before disappearing into the break room.

It is this that finally makes Bobby and Alex look at each other, and then away, quickly, both hoping that they won't start to laugh.

It doesn't work.

* * *

Things are slowly starting to repair themselves by the time the next case comes along.

"You know, things like this make me glad all the kids in my family have gone to public school," Alex mutters, as the uniforms take Marla Reynolds away. "There's no point in waiting if you don't have to."

"Some parents think it's worth the wait," Bobby remarks. "I can see why they'd want to start early."

"Well, sure, but three?" Alex asks. "I understand the importance of getting your kid on the waiting list, but there's still no guarantee they'll get in."

"I don't…I'm not sure that's the point," Bobby replies. "All parents want the best for their kids, but…it's easier for some to get it than others."

Alex rolls her eyes. "Public school isn't that bad," she says. "Then again, I can see the appeal of a school like this."

"Of course it isn't," says Bobby, pushing open the doors leading outside. "It all depends on how you look at it."

* * *

A quarter appears from behind her ear, and then Skittles appear on her desk.

"One of these days, you're gonna have to show me how you do that," Alex remarks, an amused look crossing her face as Bobby sits across from her. "It's not nice to keep secrets from your partner."

"Everyone's got to have their secrets," Bobby replies. "If I told you how I did that, there wouldn't be anything left for you to figure out about me."

Alex gives a derisive snort. "Somehow, I doubt that," she tells him. "Whatever else there is to be afraid of, not having anything else to figure out about you is at the bottom of the list."

"Then I have nothing to worry about."

"As long as you keep me supplied with coffee and Skittles, I'd say you were safe."

Another sign that things are starting to fix themselves. He wonders for a brief moment if she still thinks it's too late, but decides that he doesn't really want to find out.

"…You've at least got to show me that card trick again," Alex is saying, when Bobby starts paying attention to her. "My nephews will get a kick out of it."

He gives her an amused look, and nods. "I'll show you," he says. "But that's the only one."

* * *

"It really is a cutthroat world out there, isn't it?"

They have both seen a lot of things in their line of work, but every now and then, something like this comes along, and in the most unlikely settings.

"We go from a preschool to a prep school," Alex continues, when Bobby doesn't answer. "From waiting lists to webpages."

"Does it really surprise you?" Bobby asks, but she shakes his head.

"With that kid's dad being the way he is?" she asks in reply, and then, "No. It doesn't surprise me. It should, but it doesn't."

"Maybe we really are too jaded for our own good."

"Or maybe we're just not as elite as the rest of the department thinks we are. We're slacking, partner. Next time, we've got to put on more of a show."

Bobby laughs at the faint smirk that crosses Alex's face as she says this. "I've used up this year's get-out-of-jail free card with the brass," he says.

Alex fishes a set of keys out of her pocket, still smirking. "I haven't."

* * *

It is a rare thing for either of them to find themselves completely at a loss, but this time is one of _those_ times.

"It wasn't supposed to happen this way," Bobby remarks, staring out at the city below them. It's been a while since the two of them were last on the rooftop of the headquarters building, but there they are, now, because technically, they've still got ten minutes left to go before they can leave work, and there is nowhere else for them to go. "It just…it wasn't."

"I know it," Alex replies. She remains where she is beside him, facing inward, because in all honesty, she _really_ doesn't like heights. "What are you going to do?"

"I don't know."

This is an answer that she'd expected, and yet at the same time, it almost scares her to see her partner back in a place where he isn't sure of himself.

"My brother is gone, Nicole is gone, Declan's going to be locked up for the rest of his life…He tells me in there that I'm supposedly free, but free from what?" Bobby asks finally. "From myself? From them? How the hell am I supposed to be 'free' if I don't even know what it is that I'm free from?"

"This is going to come out wrong, but I suppose Declan thought in his own twisted way that by getting rid of the two things that worried you the most, it would give you a clean start," Alex remarks, slowly.

She waits for a reaction, but there is none. Instead, Bobby leans a little bit farther over the railing, attention caught by a noise beneath them.

"You're not going to jump, are you?" Alex asks, a fleeting panic shooting through her, because she knows that if he made up his mind to do it, it's highly unlikely that she'd be able to stop him once he started going over. He turns to look at her, startled.

"No," he says. "No. I'm not going to jump. I just…I wanted to see."

But what exactly it is that he wanted to see, he doesn't say. Silence falls between the two of them and lingers, but this time, it isn't awkward. After a while, Alex reaches forward, and puts a hand on Bobby's shoulder.

"You'll figure it out," she tells him, quietly, and looks at her watch. "In the meantime, you're coming with me."

And he does, allowing himself to be led away from the railing and back into the building, without so much as a word of protest.

It is only when they reach the eleventh floor that he speaks again. "Will you stay with me?" he asks.

Alex looks up at him, and nods, before repeating something she told him years ago.

"I'm afraid you're stuck with me."


End file.
